cant take much more..
 

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xoxox

*sending you massive hugs* Keep posting on here and getting the negative out of your head. Keep on fighting, hun, I seen you're trying. I hope your head quiets down soon.

Sometimes when I try to focus on something totally unrelated it helps.. e.g. look at an object in a room and describe what it looks like and think of different uses for it, etc. Like an apple, is it red or green or both.. can eat it, use in pies, etc.

thinking of you xx

You don't offend at all Rowie *hugs*

Well done for trying and you're right, there's no point in lying to your therapist, she can't help you as well if you do.

I'm sorry I don't really know what to say but I want you to know I'm thinking of you and hope things start improving again soon *hugs*

xx

is there a crisis team you can speak to? because you are really getting into dangerous territory as far as work is involved. mabel would really love it if you got fired for having drank before you went in, or being found with blades on a routine staff search.

be careful hun. you are struggling to fight your mind, nothing wrong with admitting that, but you need help in stopping it.

if it were some violent person coming round and threatening you and hurting you, you would call the police to help, so why just because it is part of you, inside your head, should you fight it alone?

mand x

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yes focus on the positives, they are really huge things for you, i know.

It's better to leave work voluntarily than be sacked for something like drinking or being found with tools right??

Who is scared of the crisis team, you - or Mabel? Are you scared of what Mabel will do/make you do if you call them? Because if that's it then tell them when you ring them, what she will make you do. And then if she starts on you when you hang up, call them back. Everytime Mabel rears her ugly head, call them.

hugs, hope you're ok. We're in essex tomorrow til Sunday, so know i'm near, mand x

I'm impressed that you can focus on the positives through all this!

Maybe you could take a little time out of work to give yourself a little more energy to fight the other things going on?

*hugs*

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ring the crisis team hun, they can help, it's their job! if everyone avoided ringing them lik you do, they'd be out of a job, we can't be having that, can we?

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it is a positive. if you can't keep yourself safe from your head, then get help. either hubby or crisis team or a friend, or go out somewhere in public, go sit on a swing and let the feeling of the wind in your face distract you. be around people so you are safe. love you, mand x

You are doing really well, ensuring you aren't left in a situation which would be unsafe for you at the moment. That is a really positive thing to do but I know you don't feel like it.

I can really empathise re the work thing. I'm struggling alot having only recently having been back properly after alot of time off last year. If your therapist, dr and social worker all think it is a good idea to have a break, don't you think that would be best? Taking a break out of choice now is better than it becoming too much and ending up having to take more time off and becoming more frustrated with yourself.

If you are so unsafe, I agree with Mandimoo that you should contact the crisis team.

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Your positive today? That you are still trying and fighting despite everything being so difficult.
*hugs*

Rowie I'm sorry things are so difficult but please call the crisis team if you need to, I've learnt that they can actually help and they would much rather talk to you before you do something than have to deal with it afterwards.
Keep focussing on the positives however hard it gets and don't beat yourself up about it if you need to take a break from work to get yourself well again.
Remember we're all here
*hugs*
Xxx

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I'm sorry, not able to give much just now but *hugs*

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Can you try and get some of the thoughts out of your head by writing them down (doesn't have to be here) and then you can perhaps think of the flipside to them.

*hugs*