Triggering. *rantish*
 

Last night i had a dream. it was like a flashback, but a dream. p###, s#### & ryan (a friend from school) from school ... they raped me. gang raped. It was so painful. I woke up crying.
Today before school i had a flashback. then i remembered everything. it wasnt ryan. it was somebody else. i can't remember his name. james i think. it was 3 years ago. i remember why i went to the police, even if i didn't after it.
But today every time i saw ryan i just ... remembered. and it hurt. so badly. i feel dead. i wish i was. I can't. i don't know. i don't knwo what to think. to think he'd done it. I feel so horrible. I'm disgusting. It still hurts. i don't know. help. i don't know how to feel. i don't know where to turn. i remember it all so clearly. so clearly i know it happened. i had no memory of this before.

I'm just so lost ... so hurt. I can't stand anybody being near me. i ... just ... help? I want to die ...

Help?

do you have any support or anyone to speak to?


I know how it feels to think one thing happened and then for the memories to come back and be different to what you thought...
but try not to feel bad, he was still involved wasn't he? so he still did wrong, even if it wasn't what you thought he did. and anyway you were just going off what you knew, and that's all you can do