Pushing yourself too hard?
 

ack this could be the wrong place, i don't know.

I had a breakdown about 3 weeks ago now, went into the psych hospital for an evening (i think it was only an evening my memory is very dodgy).
& my concentration is shot.

& i've been trying to help myself slowly, getting out of bed each day, yesterday i showered for the first time since before the breakdown & i was very proud of myself, although i need another now & i don't know when thats going to be happening.

& i think i want to go back to work. i'm doing ok ish at home, i showered yesterday, i made my bed & got dressed. this was very productive for me.

i just feel like i'm taking the piss a little with not going into either of my jobs, one of them i've been told on no accounts to not go in until i know i can cope with it (the union bar) the other, Varsity, I've spoken on the phone with them & all i can think is i'm letting them down & i shouldn't be doing this, in honesty i don't want to go back to varsity yet.

& then i remember that i'm not leaving the house when i'm on my own, my boyfriend has to accompany me. i'm trying to get myself back into uni too, except that hasn't worked as i should be going in for 11 but i looked at my timetable & i can do the lecture next week actually.

i think i'm just worried about pushing myself so hard i have another psychotic breakdown & i don't really need this right now.

does anyone have any advice?

Take things slow. Small steps.

You've done really well showering and making your bed. I know these things can feel like mammoth tasks when you're not feeling up to it.

I think that it sounds a bit too much going back to work for the moment. You're not taking the piss, you've been unwell and you need some time to get back on your feet.

Take things one day at a time and set yourself a goal for that day. Something you feel you can manage, whether it's simply getting dressed or showering or popping to the shop and getting some milk.

Slowly you will find you can do more and more.

I think you should leave uni and work for until you are feeling and coping better mentally. You have clearly made some good progress but these things need to be done in stages after a breakdown and if you start too much at once again, you could 'breakdown' again.
(hugs)

Catherine x x x x

take things slowly, don't worry about uni or jobs, they'll wait for you. the most important thing is for you to stay well.

Totally agree with the others. Do whatever you feel like and dont push yourself to please others.

Just try to enjoy a bit of time off and relax.

x

Thank you.
I made my way into uni today, i missed a lecture because i was walking round in a daze fore 2 hours, but i did leave the house :)
& i've called varsity & i'm not at work this week.

I might try again next week, i spoke with my deputy manager & she said for me only to come back when i knew i was completely ready so i don't feel like i'm taking the piss so much.

Your deputy manager seems very supportive. Thats nice to know. Definately take her advice. You really arent taking the piss at all!