I cant remember...
 

...what it is like to have a smile, warmth on my skin from the sun and not the blood, a day full of wants....

wanting to live, wanting ice cream, wanting to eat, wanting to love, wating to make love, wanting to hug, wanting to talk. wanting to breathe and not feel alone, so alone and dark.

I feel my spirit has died. my laughter exhausted, my smile just faded.

I am sick to my stomach. Scared of tonight, fearful of tomorrow.

I need to say something, but I have no one to say it to.

*protect me angel*

I cant remember Rain

I Know How You Feel If You Need Some One To Talk To I Am Here I Will Listen To You

I'm not sure what to say except that I understand. It's a very difficult feeling to experience and I hope that with time you will have some of those positive things that you long for. I'm here to listen to you at any time, please get in touch if you need anything. Take care.

another day.. another stitch ... they are wanting to hold me there ...i promised not to do it tonight. i will see my dr everyday if i have to (her words) until i see the psych. I looked the guy up online...lots of praise for him, but he is old...worried about the difference..worried about him wanting me to explain why i must keep a secret. one person says he over medicates...i feel down on the meds i am on now. going on two weeks. this brings me back to 16. i want to die. gone to the point i have calculated a dose for a get out of life card... but i cant...i am too important to my family, my kids. that right now is the only thing keeping me alive. i love my husband. i love my kids. i stay for them.

*hugs Rain* you're doing right, keep thinking of your family and the good times you have had and the good times you will have when you get through this. Go see the doctor everyday if you need to, she's right and I hope the psych is right for you, take care and keep going, you're being amazingly strong, hugs, Hannah

I have lots of words that I want to say to you
but right now theyre all jumbled up in my head.

Please just know that I care deeply and that Im
thinking of you and praying that you can stay safe
and accept any help that is offered to you. xx