A down day
 

It's taken me a while to get myself to write this so bear with me if it makes little sense :)

It's been a long day, I woke up late and then really didn't want to go to work. Despite wanting to curl up in bed I went in as I think I'm already walking on egg shells after a whole incident with their first aider almost a month ago (almost a month since self harming, so a yay for me though) I'm trying but really what's the point? I hate my body so much and I'm not sure if that feeling is ever going to change.

I also have this big appointment on Wednesday at the hospital that I've been waiting for, for almost 4 years now (gotta love post code lottery on the NHS) and I should be really happy but to be honest I'm so scared for various reasons. No matter what happens, it's a life changing appointment and I'm scared it may not go the way I'm hoping. I'm pretty sure it's also going to involve a physical exam which I'm terrified of anyone seeing my body let alone an examination :(

I'm worried how they will react if they see the self harming is still happening from the recent marks too.

Bleh, so many thoughts mushed into this head right now, I want Wednesday to be perfect but I know it won't be.

A month ago in the first aid room I made the decision to sort this out and it's just not going well, too many urges.

I'm not even sure why I'm writing this, sorry for the rant.

Rach x

*offers hugs* don't apologize for writing; I think it's good that you got things out of your head. I don't have much advice; but I wanted to let you know I am reading/listening; and I hope your appointment on Wednesday goes well.

sorry i dont have anything to say.
well done for getting it out of your head, it helps.
just really saying i'm here and listening.
hugs

*offers hugs* hope wednesday goes okay, well done with going a month free, stay strong and take care.

hey hun

dont say sorry for writing it hun that what we are here for and i get days like that alll the time and the urges are always bad for me so i understand where your coming from sweetie

im sure this appointment you have been waiting for is worth it and that any questions or worries you have they will be able to put your mind at rest

im here any time you need to talk take care and good luck for wed lt us know how it goes

midnight xxxx

I think that when you have waited so long for an appointment and that everything seems to depend on it, it builds up to be such a big experience. Try to keep yourself as calm as you can.

I wish you luck for wednesday and hope everything goes well.
I shall be thinking of you xx