Lonely
 

Hi, ive been on here for a while looking and reading but this is my first post. Sorry if its in the wrong forum!

Well i suffer from really bad low self esteem and i get very very paranoid that everyone hates me and no one wants to talk to me. i have friends that i love to pieces and i just have to try my hardest to ignore the naggingg feeling that they hate me because i think it makes them hate me more if i discuss it. Anyway ive just finished my first year at uni and it was great, at first i think i came across more confident, im not sure how i managed it and i made a few close friends especially one person who i dont know how i lived without her, shes one of my best friends and possibly the only person in the world i believe likes me. My dilemma however is that i want to make lots of friends, i want to be able to meet new people and not be too shy. It makes me so depressed that i cant meet new people and that i dont have many friends. I never know what to say to someone when i first meet them, i dont think joining any clubs would solve the problem because i always tend to be the one on the group that doesnt really talk to ppl. I hate that i find it so hard to talk to people, especially when i first meet them and even when i meet ppl i dnt tend to see them again or talk to them when i see them again. Any advice on how to get to know people without looking like a freak would be great. I just dont know what to talk to people about to get the convo flowing.

Please help me!!

Being able to talk to people randomly [make conversation] is something that’s going to take some serious work. I’ve actually been trying to help my friend out with this situation as well. Though I suffer from the same shyness and inability to have a conversation with people I don’t know, I start with asking people questions. Maybe like “How’s your day been?” or since your in school “What classes are you taking?” after you get something going, and maybe find a common interest it should be easier to think of other things to talk about.

The main thing is working up the courage and nerve to start a convo with someone. That’s something you’re just going to have to psych yourself out for. Maybe give yourself a pep talk in your head, and kinda boost your confidence a little. At least that’s what I do, I try and chase away the insecurities, and just try and be open and outspoken.

I don’t think there’s a really trick to it. An easy solution to the problem, it just takes practice. Socializing practice, and soon you’ll come to the point where even if your nervous or insecure, others wont be able to see it.

Hi hun, welcome to RYL :)
I can completley relate to what you have written, I am exactly the same as you, because of that I dont really have any ways of helping you because...well I dont have many friends.
What I can say is the friends I do have are the very best friends I could want, and all of them are on here. I havent met any of them yet, but that doesnt make any difference to me, they are nicer than anyone I know. I would really suggest staying around here if you like it, its a good way to make friends and build your confidence and nicer people you could not meet.
Fun and Distractions is a great place to start, the people there are lovely and because each thread has its own theme its easy to do and you dont have to rely on knowing what to say. General Chat is fun to, lots of lovely people making some interesting, some pointless threads :)
Take care hun, if you want to talk to someone about anything you like im always around :)
Aimee xx

hey
i have similar problems with low self esteem and paranoia and talking to people
im lucky in the way my boyfriend is very sociable so i get forced into social situations
maybe go out with your close mate and slowly start meeting new people with her?
if you ever wanna chat just pm me =)
xxxx

I agree with Heretic, those were some good ideas. I know you don't think joining a club would help, but if you found one that centers around something you are already interested in or know a lot about, you might find yourself putting your two cents in more often.

Also, this close friend you've made.... is she sociable? Could she maybe introduce you to more people? if you share your friends, you could make quite a network. :)

Thank you so much for your replies, it means a lot to me. My close friend is very sociable, she love meeting new people and talks to anyone and everyone and people always seem to want to talk to her and know her. I go out with her quite a lot when we are at uni and ive met quite a few of her friends from her course but they are drama students and not so friendly to people who arent like them, altho a couple i seem to have gotten to know although they still feel like her friends and that makes me feel a bit low. I really think im going to push myself to talk to people and try not to care if i make a fool of myself. Im not sure ill be able to push mself into this when it comes to it but hopefully i will. What do u talk to people about, i think i could come up with stuff to talk about now but when it comes down to it i seem to forget lol.
xxx