argh
 

Hi one of my mates text me yesterday saying that she doesnt have any friends and everyone thinks she is a waste of space and i responded that she is not.

I feel worse today because of it. I started to take lactives and im skipping meals plus purging when i do eat about 2 weeks ago

In a way i feel happy without food or energy

Today i found that i was pushing myself harder at college. And my mates ask me if i what i was doing for lunch i said nuthing.

I hate my body and my therapist thinks im nearly at the new beginning so she is seeing me every 3 weeks.

I cant tell her that im purging because she doesnt know about it all she knows that id Self harmed

I cant do this anymore i cant fight this eating thing ill go with it now

Im meant to be seeing my therapist on thursday but its the first day of first aid so i cant miss it

Think my course tutor is keeping a close eye on me but i dont want her to

I never win

Sorry if its abit of a rant

*offers hugs*

when is your next appointment with your therapist? Do you think you could maybe talk about it a bit with her... she might be able to provide you with support for that too?

take care

Sweetie, hard as it can be to accept, you are not responsible for your friends well-being. Yes, support her and reassure her as far as you feel able, but don't make yourself worse because you are putting all your energy into her.

Sorry if that sounds bitchy or uncaring-it isn't meant to!

Cheers guys. My next appointment is tomorrow either 2 or 4 i have to phone her tomorrow morning to make the time i tried today but i didnt get an answer.

I just wanted to crash my car today but i couldnt do it

Im just useless and deserve stuff now

My college mates dont care about me my mum just bought me sweets they just make me fat

offers *snuggles*
much love.
xxxxxxxxxx

Everyone is right, you are not responsible for your friends well being. You reassured her and were there for her. Thats all you can do.

I think you definitely need to speak to your therapist tomorrow. It sounds like you need more support atm, not less. It is her job to help you, she/he will not be annoyed with you for struggling.

I am glad you didn't crash your car today. Please try and be kind to yourself, a few sweets won't make you fat.

in a way i dont trust her and she keeps on repeating on and on about the same things. I didnt go today cose i think i dont deserve it its like im punishing myself for some reasons

*hugs* take care xxx