back again
 

I feel like crap. I have been free for over a month since an OD in November. The urge to pick up a blade again isn't going away. I don't know why I feel like this. I feel so hopeless and I'm starting to hate the world I live in and I feel that there's no use in being here when I don't want to be. I feel like I'm always an outcast and I don't belong here. Maybe I should just go so I want have to worry about where I fit in :-(

i'm sorry you feeling so low i hope you feel better soon take care and stay safe x

I'm sorry that things are so difficult for you right now. Well done with being over a month free, I understand that it can be really hard to cope with urges but keep drawing on the things that have helped you through this past month. What sort of things do you hope for that you feel you can't achieve? There are things that can't be changed of course, but there are also little things that you can add or take away from your life to make it at least a little better. We all fit into the world in some way, can you think of anything that has happened that you can use to challenge your feelings of being an outcast? I hope that things get better for you soon. Please get in touch if you need anything. Take care.

oh honey... i'm sorry i can't help but i just want to say i'm thinking of you and i'm always right on the other end of that phone if you need to talk. *cuddles*

Please don't congratulate me. I ****ed up. I am ****ed up. I don't even deserve any space on this board. I did it again yesterday a while after writing this post. Took an OD, didn't go to hospital because they don't really care. They would rather just get rid of me for a few months til the next time rather than help me deal with the problems I have. They won't even keep me any longer than 2 days. I wouldn't tell my wife what I took. All she will do is yell and scream at me every time I harm myself so I do my best to hide it.

All I can feel at the moment is emptiness and worthlessness. I feel so alone. I feel like I can't talk because nobody understands or nobody cares. I feel like I'm some sort of freak, very much alone. I really and honestly believe I do not have a place in society. High moral values and treating others they way I want to be treated have no place in the 21st century. Expecting not to be discriminated against because of mental illness is just a fantasy. No I don't belong here. I am alienated from everyone. The world is much better off without me and I even more better off without the world.

Feel even worse. I thought I would relax and watch some TV. Started watching an episode of Ghost Whisperer and I see someone trying to kill themselves by OD'ing and drowning. Just want I didn't want to be seeing right now. OD'd only yesterday and it still upsetting me. :-(

*offer hugs* The world would not be better off without you. Please don't think like that. I don't know you all that well, but what I have seen of you on here you are kind and caring person. There are some people who still believe in high moral values and treating others the way you want to be treated... though they may not be those around you currently. On here you're accepted and there is no stigma with respect to mental illness, and hopefully one day that will change in real life... but it's hard when people continually discriminate against you. sorry, i'm not sure if what I said is helpful, I do want you to know that i'm listening... take care.

Hey,

I know you don't think it but you most certainly are not worthless.
You wife only yells at you becuase she is upset, please try and see that she needs you to be there.
Always here if you need to chat or rant
*offers hugs*

I have had a few months without self injuring. The thought of it seldom goes away and the desire too comes up frequently. I don't because i remember an implicit promise I made to a friend.

you do deserve space here, you do deserve to be treated with respect, you are not worthless. I'm sorry you feel no-one understands or cares... I know how real that can feel, but there are people who care and do understand...

how are you at the moment?

Thanks everyone for the replies. I didn't expect so many people to care.

Tokoloshe: I am a little better now, not feeling quite so unsafe. Thank you for giving a damn about me and having the kindness to ask how I am. I am sorry you have felt that nobody cares before too.

I changed my mood to sick. I'm really busy and stressed out right now too because we are in the middle of a big clean up at home and will be having several family members stay with us this month. My wife and I have both been exposed to whooping cough. We both aren't feeling well although my symptoms aren't as bad as my wife's. We both had the tests done (throat swabs) the other day but won't know any more for a few days. It's really pushing us too because we can't get as much done each day, we have a time limit on how long we can keep the dumpster for before we have to pay extra and it's only just over a week til our first lot of visitors arrive.

I haven't been very active here lately and I feel a little guilty for posting here. I have just had a lot going on and I needed a break for a while because something on another thread triggered me (unintentionally of course). I am also trying to come to terms with the fact that my father in law hasn't got long to live. He is terminally ill with cancer and I don't know how my wife is going to cope. She is still grieving for her cousin who died nearly 7 years ago. :sad: I am so worried that I'm not going to know how to help her and be there for her, especially if I'm not going to well myself.

Life does tend to throw everything at you at once, doesn't it... a clear out at home sounds good though - there's something about it that always makes me feel like letting go of some of the crap of the past. If you're still doing it when the visitors arrive then just rope them in - cheap labour!

No need to feel guilty about posting - we all have to keep our real world stuff going as well as be here - if you need a break then just take care of yourself and take a break. I'm sorry to hear about your father-in-law, there's not much to say about that... except that when the time comes I'm sure you will know how to help your wife - you care and want to help so you're 90% there.

Take care of yourself

Don't feel guilty about posting on here; a break is understandable. We're here to help each other and right now you need some support.

How are you doing? I hope you both don't get the whooping cough.. good luck with the clean up.

Take care!
*leaves hugs*

Hi there - how's it going today?
xx

hi,

feeling soso today. my wife has got bronchitis and neither of us caught whooping cough. my wife has also got a strange rash and was scared because it coincided with the flu symptoms so she went to emergency last night. they told her that it was just an allergic reaction to the cough medicine. my health is fine apart from a headache but that's normal for me, i get them all the time. will get stuck into the cleanup again this afternoon when it cools down a bit. we didn't get a chance to this morning because we've been busy with other things.

Hi Nathan

an allergic reaction on top of everything else... if it was in a film you'd say it just couldn't happen like that! Glad it's not whooping cough.

Ax