Happy 4th? No.. never happy
 

I don't get it.. why is everything so ass backwards? Why am I wasting my time here? Why do I believe I'll actually be okay? I don't get it.. at all. All I am is nice to everyone.. and all I get is the tail end of everything. Everyone's fucking dick to me.. but my brother... can be a fucking dick to everyone.. and everyone loves him. Why the hell is it so god damn ass backwards? I cut as a means to help me... he does it for attention.. and GETS IT! I get suicidal.. everyone ignores me.. he gets sad... everyone tries to make him feel better... it's like I'm not even here. So why should I be.. nobody would miss me. Everyone else is more important than me. Watch... I'm suicidal on the 4th of July... and nobody.. will even see it. Nobody will care..

People do care but maybe they do not understand or know how to help.

have you sat these people down and talked to them about how you really feel and what they do doesnt help you?

People would be very upset if something happened to you.

what has triggered you to feel this low?

I already knew this.. I knew that I'm nothing to everyone. I was just pretending.. even my 2 'best friends' are pissy towards me. They hardly ever talk to me much anymore. The girl I liked hurts me over and over. Everyone else does too. And they know when I'm suicidal.. and the last time. I almost did it.. and nobody is around to care anymore.

they do care about you.

I am unsure of what i can say to help =/

If they care... wouldn't they be around more often to say it, and help? I never really understood why people say the middle child is the ones always left out... but it's true. I'm the middle child (though technically not a kid). And my sister and brother are the first ones to get attention and help when they need it. I.. get nothing.

I am sure that isnt true.... do you speak to your family about this?

your friends do care about you.
but unless they experience what you have.
they don't know what they could do to help.
and they freak out, and don't want to talk about it.
because they don't like seeing you hurt.
and there's other girls out there to like.
and i'm sure your brother has his reasons for what he does.
and i'm sure it's not just for attention.
and try not to be upset.
it's a fun day.
fireworks!
you get to spend time with your family.
i really don't know, anything i could honestly say to make you feel completely better.
but, try to have fun today.
and not think about the bad stuff.

x

I am sure it's just for attention. Plus I just hate how he's the one that gets everything. He can be mean as hell to someone and it doesn't bother them. But I can be less nice, and they hate me forever. It's the fact he fakes almost everything.. he claims he's depressed, then 2 minutes later, he's laughing playing games, joking around. When I'm depressed, I lay in bed and cry all day. And nobody.. knows the damn difference aymore.

so you want attention for being depressed?

sit your family down and tell them how low you are feeling.maybe they think youare doing it for attention.Your family cant know the truth unless you speak to them about everything.

your brother may have depression, people find ways to hide it.

Like I said.. it's not about attention. Nobody helps me.. EVER. I almost killed myself last time I was suicidal because nobody cared.. nobody showed they wanted me around.. just like now. Only one person did.. everyone else.. just pushed me away..

Edit: My brother copies me in everything I do. The way he acts. He just claims things because he knows about me. He knows I get depressed.. because I post things on My Space about it and he reads them. So.. yeah.