a little help needed maybe triggering
 

hey everyone. i posted in serious discussion and was referred here. just a little background on why i'm here. it started in may 1991 when i lost my grandma who was like a mother to me. then in jan. 04 my nephew (who was like a brother to me) was hit by a car and killed. then two weeks later an uncle died of cancer. three months after that my grandfather died. a few more distant (9 to be exact) relatives died in the following months. in november 04 a friend was murdered. last year in november my father-in-law died from cancer. and my breaking point came in december when my mother/best friend died of cancer while i held her hand. up until that point i had been handling things pretty well or maybe not handling things at all. but when my mom died i just lost it. i can't get out of bed. im cutting almost everyday. i just can't handle it. she lived with me for four years. i spent everyday with her. when she got sick i spent all my time taking care of her.now that she is gone i don't know what to do. i feel like there's nothing left. im angry because she was too young and i needed her still. i dont know i guess im just looking for someone who might understand.

Well, we can understand to a certain degree, but grief is really a very personal emotion.
After i lost the last person i lost, who was the one who meant the world to me, the police refered me to a Grief and Trauma counsellor. She was trained to deal with the pain i was going through, and helped immensley.
They wouldnt want you to waste away in your grief. live your life for them as well as for yourself.

I am so sorry that you have been through so much pain, I can understand how difficult this must be for you. When people die, it's often an initial reaction to try to bypass your emotions in order to be able to continue with everyday life, but eventually they creep up on you.

I can really relate to how you have been feeling since your mum died, my mum died almost 6 years ago when I was 14/15 and I watched her die. I also feel like she was too young and that I still really needed her in my life. Unfortunately there is no way that you can change what has happened, but you can learn ways to cope with things and work through your feelings.

It might help to think that your mum is still here, watching over you. How do you think she would feel seeing you in distress? That could be a motive for you to get things back on track for yourself, do it for yourself and your mum. If you can find a way to remember her, like laying flowers for her, visiting a place that she liked, or writing her a letter, that could help you to release some of your emotions in a positive way. Finding someone who is willing to listen to you can also be a step forward. Holding things inside causes the feelings to build up to a point where you might feel as if you can't cope with anything.

Try to set yourself little achievable tasks for the day, like getting up at a certain time. With time you could make those tasks more challenging, and watch yourself go from strength to strength. I know that this will be a difficult journey for you, but it is true that things get easier with time. I am here any time you need to talk, also you could use live help or email the supporters.

I hope you are alright. Take care. xxx

i'm so sorry you've lost so many people in such a short amount of time. losing 1 person is bad enough but when you've lost as many as what you have... i dont know what it feels like to lose a parent but i do know what its like to lose a friend. you just have to take it one day at a time and remember they wouldnt want you to be sad. and thats what you've got to do. it doesnt mean you have to stop grieving or remembering them because you always will. you do have to move on but that will happen in your own time. just taking things slowly. maybe get out of bed one day, just do that for a few days. then go to the lounge room and watch some tv and do that for a few days then maybe go out to your front or back yard. just take it one small step at a time. and try to stop cutting. if its too much though, just go back to doing something small each day. when you feel you can cope with going out, then try to stop.
i really am so sorry for your loss. i'm here if you want to talk. feel free to pm me *hugs*

soph.