scared.
 

so many thoughts running in circles.
ive had a migraine for 3 days and have been fighting a stomach ulcer.
the stress has gotten to me.

i can feel it coming.
that god awful overwhelming feeling....i dont even know what feeling it is.
i know i leave to see Keith on friday.
i know i still have control of myself. im not that lost yet.
but i can feel it coming.
i have to stop it. i have to stay together for my son.
my grandmother may not be here for christmas. she may not even be here by the time i get there. i want her suffering to stop....but god help me...i have so many guilt issues surrounding her. she is my father's mother so thats enough to send me into a full downward spiral. i never got too close to her. my sister has always been her "favorite" but i never minded.

so many things going on....tomorrow is therpay...tuesday is kaleb's christmas program(guess how much guilt is surrouning that!!!)...thursday is appt. with the orthopedic and friday is the day i leave.

i need my head to stop hurting...stop spinning. i need a moment of clarity...even if its fleeting. i really need it.

im scared. and i dont think this made any sense. sorry...im trying to make sense. really.

one day at a time. x

(((Rachel)))

All these thoughts that youre having, what are they trying to tell you?
Whats the meaning behind them?
Write it all down, put pen to paper, get all these feelings out and then tear up the paper and bin it.

Think of the positives. Think of meeting with Keith. Think of the fun you can and will have. Keep hold of reality.

Sorry if none of this makes sense...im trying to think of what helps me having had some wine and its all coming out disjointed.

Love youi babe xx