anyone else stuck in the middle?
 

This forum's a great help, it makes me feel as if there are other people out there struggling with the same things as I do, but...

I feel as if there's two different parts of me, one that's coping fine, sure there are difficulties but there always are in life... but I can deal with them and keep them in perspective. people ask me how I am and I say fine and genuinely mean it

Then the other part of me pops out every couple of days to want to harm myself, I can have had a great day then suddenly I don't want to face another day or wake up in the morning. I go from one extreme to the other

I don't know if I'm 'Moving Forward' or 'Serious Discussion', a bit of both so don't really fit in either...

I hear ya... I am like that a lot. That is how depression works.
It rears its ugly head up outta nowhere... one minute a person
can be just fine, then the next they are "down in the dumps"...
sometimes for no apparent reason.
Have you ever been diagnosed with depression?

Absolutely, I know exactly what you mean. I know it's really difficult but I think you've got to try and listen to the side that tells you you are coping ok and try to block out the other.x

I've never really had a consistent diagnosis - generally my GP would diagnose depression then the psychiatrist would say it wasn't... mind you, this is 10 years ago or so, but all that's changed is I am better at coping than I was back then... I try to catch the 'up' times and put things in place that will get me through the 'down parts'... but it can change in the course of an hour. Mostly I'm fine when I an busy and have things I have to do (I can study by distance learning because of the deadlines, for example, even though there's no-one standing over me and making me, and most of the time if I get myself to work within an hour or so I'm feeling better).

I guess I've always avoided pushing for a diagnosis because I've seen too many people 'become' the diagnosis - it becomes such a central part of their identity it takes over their life. And I've never wanted to admit to being depressed because of the limits I see that placing on my life (I already have to lie on Occupational Health forms but at least if I'm caught I can say it was all a long time ago)... although I know I'm the same person whether you call it 'depression' or call it something else...

I did try anti-depressants one time but hated feeling blank all the time - at least without them I do have good periods.

Not really sure what to do.

I completely agree...I genuinely concieve of it as having too separate lives almost...both almost real to me.

Separate lives - that's a good way of putting it. And the people I know either fit in one life or the other, there's no mixing the friends from one life with the other side of me...