Oh gosh no :( I'm terrified...
 

I just got this email from my girlfriend:

You know what? Neither of us feel like the other is "here". We don't really have much of a relationship thing going on. Maybe we should ask ourselves what a relationship is? Maybe we should ask why we're in one? I personally haven't felt like I've been in much of one. But, whatever.

I'm just curious how people so different, who rarely ever connect, can be together. I'm actually very curious what defines "being together".

We're never on the same page. Don't people who care about each other usually look in the same direction? Care about and talk about the same things?

I know I shouldn't say this. I really am telling myself not to because it's just lame, but,
I haven't felt in any way loved. In a long time.

I'm not going to go further on that. It's simply silly.


Maybe you should ask yourself what makes me so special? Why me?


It just seems that you can't handle change very well. And to be honest, I am terrified of the misery that might lie in our futures. If you are constantly in worry, and I am aiming for being in meditation, I just don't know how things will work.

I don't think that you've felt I've "been here" ever since I stopped worrying about things and taking life too personally.
I still have a lot of pain and garbage in my life but I'm handling it now. I'm hardly as stressed or anxious.

I'm balancing things in my life right now, and I don't need to panic about the future.

I don't know...
It might make your load easier if you balance yourself out on your own for a while? I'm not sure what else to say. I'm not going to give in and plan things out of fear, stress, or worry.

Well, I worked from nine until six today.

Tomorrow is another long one.

I can handle life spiritually and practically, and I can try and be practical with spirituality.

I don't know what I'm saying.

Well... whatever.


There was too much fear and tension in your message.
I'm not really sure what I should reply to.

Love,
Haley

I simply do not know how I can possibly look forward to life without her, and I do love her. I've been feeling like ***** so I haven't been talking to her recently and I just sent a message to her because I figured out all sorts of things that were going wrong with my head (the reasons I've been down, or at least some of them).

And then she replies with this...
Oh no. I literally feel scared sick.
I don't know how I'm going to get through the night...
Oh, oh, oh no.
Please help, because I care so much about this girl, she has kept me from suicide and other nasty things.
I've been on a track towards a future with her, a future with a decent job and home and things. I had been wanting to destroy myself before the future came.

Help me please if you can think of anything? I don't know what to do.

*hugs* the only thing I can think of is, try and talk to her further. Think about the things she said. And then try and give her good reasons to stick around, reasons why you love her, why you need her.

I don't know if I should be commenting here, because I'm going through some similar things with my boyfriend.

Let her know you care, and that you want things to continue, and offer reasons why it should. Tell her what she's done for you. Tell her how much you love her.

I don't know if I'm saying too much, but I hope I've helped in someway.

Good luck.

*hugs* I don't really have much anything useful to say. I agree that you should write her or tell her how wonderful she is and how much you appreciate her. Basically what you told us at the end of your post? Perhaps buy her flowers, take her to the movies, or dinner?
A relationship where people like the same things is a tad boring, I think. It's far more interesting to hear about things you don't know about than just have to hear about things you already know.
I wish you the best of luck. *hugs*

What if you answered her questions, what is a relationship to you?

Maybe instead of asking that you separate, she is asking how you can both be together?

Just some ideas for looking at things from a slightly different perspective..

I don't know what a relationship is. I don't know how anything could work out because everything seems to tear us apart.

I want to be together, but I have no clue how to help us actually be together.
Another problem is that she lives 600 miles away for another 12 months or so. I can't take her out to dinner, I can't even give her a hug.
I can't get a hug.

I'm co-dependant, I'm realizing. When i'm away from her, I'm falling apart but when I'm with her I'm okay. But I don't want to let go of her...she is my life.
I don't want to be Buddhist like her, but I don't want to say goodbye to her.

For the first time in a while, I'm seriously coming close to some destructive ideas again. I ran away last time, and one of the most calming things right now is to consider how easy it is for me to die. But I don't want to hurt others. And I'm just trapped in every way.

I'm just not built to work well in this universe.
And everyone assumes that it's just self-pity.
I'm downright horrid though because I keep on lashing out at people.
How can I even think of self-destruction when I consider how much it hurts other people?
Why do I continue to try to make things work with Haley when I know everything's falling apart on my end?

I'm just afraid that she'll turn into another senseless female in my list and I'll turn into another unfixable male on her list. And she'll move on but I won't.

And one of the worst things about all this is that if I try telling her this she'll write it off (that's a bad phrase, Alex, it implies she doesn't care) as immature self-pity and as an attachment to negativity. Why am I always negative? I don't know. But I am. And I wish I wasn't. And I hate myself for being so horrid even though my life has been so good otherwise. I just screw things up. Maybe it's better just to ...

How can I say that? No!
I hate my life.

Friendships can be hard when one is firmly on the spiritual path and the other isn't. I've lost all my yoga friends from the past because of needing to follow my own path, my own journey, my own needs and truth.

It seems that you, like I had too, and still do, need to learn about the positive side of being attached to someone, and not judge those needs. Which is both part of Buddhism, and yet also not. If that makes sense...