I'm angry
 

Yesterday the Psychiatrist and Social Worker (my care co-ordinator) said that they'd refer me to the Acute Home Treatment Team (htt) Whic they did and this morning they called and arranged to come this evening.

All day I have held onto this. I couldn't OD cos I had to be OK when they got here I couldn't SI for same reason.
It is the aniversary of my Grandfathers death and another reason referal was made for starting today.

I got a call at 4pm saying they weren't coming this evening and would talk to my Social Worker and make a plan.

They have just dumped me like that. I was refered as the Dr and SW thought it was the best plan. But the team have just decided against it. Well least for today. On the day I wanted to die to be with my Grandfather on his aniversary of his death.

I'm angry. But also am free to do whatever.

How about calling the HTT up? They will come if you yell down the phone about how hard things are for you. Don't SI please...

I am not 'on their case load' until they talk to the SW tomorrow.
I am so angry. Head is screaming. 'Him' is screaming how I'm not worth it.
Ugh and all these pills.

Sorry.

Hugs. The HTT are being really useless, aren't they? Perhaps you should go to A&E on the grounds that you are suicidal. Is there anything you can do to distract yourself? Sorry I'm so crap at advice.

I'm not so good at distracting. I just been looking at train times and thinking of getting to the family grave. Even though Grandad isn't their (long story, Nan has him(the ashes) in the wardrobe)
It is the only place I can think of to be near him. TO take my pills and rest with him. Hold his hand and go for an ice cream.

They spoke to SW today and someone came round, but was a nurse I can not stand and she isn't keen on me either! we had so many rows and 'problems' when I was IP and she was the charge nurse on ward. So I wasn't happy to see her today.

She took my pills too. With my consent to destroy them, which I'm regretting now.

Not seeing them tomorrow. But gotta go to the hospital to see them on Saturday. Hope it isn't her! I won't get any support if it is her.

Good luck and do tell us how it goes. I'm sorry that you had to get a nurse who you don't get along well with.

Would you be able to ask to see another nurse? I hope it goes well. Take care.

I'd be very disappointed if it was me they canceled on.
Maybe you could request that you don't see the nurse who you don't get on with. Just say you have a personality clash or whatever.