Do my scars look big in this?
 

I had forgotten what this felt like…

I bought a new top. Now I know I’m not the smallest person in the universe, but to be quite honest I am at the age now where I have decided that I will wear whatever I please. Now I don’t mean to say that I would think I would look good in a mini skirt but you know…
Any-who I bought this top & it was delivered yesterday evening – nothing special just something a bit funky for the holiday period – I love Christmas - well the bit I get to spend with my friends although most of my friends will be doing other things this year – anyway get to the point Deb…so this top. I tried it on & it fit which in itself makes me feel better because its from Next & I struggle – anyway – so I think it looks ok & I’m comfortable in it & then Lyns comes in to the bedroom & I say “whatya think” & you know what the first thing she says is? “You’ll need to wear a cardigan” & you know there was that split second when you look down at yourself & you do this mental check list – what is the cardigan for? Is it to short? Does it show my stomach? Etc etc…then I clocked it....

It’s sleeveless.

GOD DAMN MOTHER ****ER! YOU’RE SHITTING ME!!??

Ok – I’ve been a ‘self harmer’ for 15 years & I was never methodically about where I cut of what it looked like, I have scars all over my giant body but I was about looking after them – only 2 are raised scars, one of which I didn’t cause & they are still reducing in ‘redness’. Now I stopped cutting myself 5 years ago come December 31st (except for a small issue this year which I am not going to let ruin it) which means that the scars on the top half of my body are AT LEAST 5 years old – some are obviously nearly 15 years old for god sake.

I’m not stupid enough to believe that people don’t see them – come on I’m not that naïve I’m embarrassed about them & it’s not like I want them there & its not as though if someone could wave a magic wand I wouldn’t have them taken away. I’m not proud of them & sometime I wanna hide them away. But you know what – sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I don’t want to have to hide them or be ashamed.

Sometimes I just wanna wear something pretty & forget about the fact I’m a freak.

I just want to feel pretty.

Argh – forget it…it doesn’t matter…

You know what? **** the cardigan! Where your top and FEEL PRETTY! You will look lovely and who cares about a few scars? DOnt' worrya bout it! My scars are visible in my wedding dress and people have 'mentioned' that i should get some sort of jacket or something and i've told them to get knicked i don't want to wear something that i don't want to werar!

Stand up for yourself and wear it how you want to wear it! :)

Why do you need to hide them away? If I had had an accident when I was young that resulted in me having scars on my face, should I go through life with a brown paper bag over my head? You should wear what you want and you should look fantastic in what you wear.

i say where whatever you want. as long as your happy in it. its other people that have the problems when it comes to scars etc.

If you feel comfortable wearing short sleeves, then stick your middle finger up to this person and just wear that gorgeous top.
Your scars do define who you are as a person, and they are definitely not something you need to be so ashamed of that you spend your whole life worrying about covering up.

And congratulations on your 5 years hun.
xxxx

I think this seems to be far more of an issue for your partner than you!

Wear it cardi-less! You deserve it!

xxx

Just wear it! Obviously, you're gonna be the hardest on yourself, right? And you thought it looked nice! It's waaaaay harder to impress yourself so you must be on the right track so wear that pretty shirt and strut, girl.

I'm with this lot.
Screw everybody else. Who needs negativity!?! Just be comfortable in your skin and wear whatever the bloody hell you want when you want.
Says the girl in the cardigan Lol!!
It's not about me. Do whatever make you happy!

Iz x

I echo what others say. Where what you feel comfortable in and **** what everyone else thinks. Most of my scars can be hidden by normal t-shirts so I use them to cover up but it just means I can't go out swimming in public. I'm not as brave as you, I know I'm going to be judged and I don't really want any attention to arise from the scars, whether positive or negative. Some I can't cover but I'm not going to wear long sleeve shirts in the middle of summer when it's 30 degrees C it would be so uncomfortable and would probably attract more attention than the scars themselves.

Just do what you feel is right. If people judge you, you can always tell them to **** off.

And you're NOT a freak, you have done so well and have made it 5 years. You should be congratulated not made to feel ashamed.

Aw...i know this all to well

i have some scars that light up in the sun and it bothers me makes me wonder if someone is staring or just whispering behind my back

so sometimes i wear short sleeves or long sleeves

depends on my mood

but i wouldnt let it really bother me

I'm with the others - wear that top.

I have scars all over my arms and when I feel confident I wear short sleeves and sleeveless tops - when I am in the right mood i don't care if people look, strangers aren't going to think anything of it (and if they do, who cares, you don't know them). Someone in work asked once when they went red in the heat, I made a feeble excuse about falling on glass when I was little and it was forgotten, nobody thought anything of it.

I have a deformed right calf from when it was broken when I was 12, I was paranoid about wearing anything that showed my calves for years and when I was persuaded to show them, 6 years later, nobody even noticed my leg, I wasted 6 years in floor length skirts when all my peers were in mini skirts (ok I was too fat for that but knee length would have been fine).

Point is - we see things on our bodies cause we know they are there - others usually don't notice.

Wear your top and enjoy it.
x

I agree with everyone else wear the top without the cardi. If you are comfortable with it then why should anyone elses opinion matter

Did it never maybe cross your mind that it's actually now November and maybe what she meant was you'll need a cardigan or you'll freeze?

Has she ever during the summer hinted that you should cover up? No.

I'll agree maybe a "you look gorgeous but you might need to wear a cardigan with that or you'll freeze" would have been better wording but you have been together for years now and I think you know her better than that.

wear the top and feel really pretty....who cares that you have scars it jst shows that you have overcome something that they dont really understand etc...now go and have fun

ooooh Me thinks " A friend" may have something there :P

*waves at "A Friend"*

That's a good point! lol, i forget it's cold time there! it's spring in aus... *nods*

I just wanted to add that no matter how much we are loved, when we feel down there is no love. Its hard to accept the good and everything is perceived to be bad. Perhaps you two should tell each other that you love eachother, kiss, eat icecream on the sofa watching a nice film, run a bath, light some candles and have an early night.......................










(can i come watch?)

be good to eachother

xxx

Firstly - dirty dirty pengy!! :hehe:

Secondly...

Quote:

Originally Posted by A_Friend (Post 1242909) Did it never maybe cross your mind that it's actually now November and maybe what she meant was you'll need a cardigan or you'll freeze

Thats very true & you are right we have known each other for years therefore I understand that if she had meant "you look fat" she would have said "it makes you look like a brick **** house" if she had meant I would get cold she would have said "you'll freeze your ass off" etc etc my scars are the only thing she wouldn't have mentioned because she, as my wife, knows would upset me & she wouldn't want that.


Maybe I should clarify that its not the fact that she said it that pissed me off - more the fact that it was something that was a consideration to her, if that makes sense. I'm not angry at her she is just looking out for me...

Thirdly.



Love ya all
Deb
:rose:

Did you speak to her about it? *cuddles* hope your friend stays too *nods*