Looking someone like me
 

Hello.. i don't usually write in english forums, but i'm having a few problems with this "pathology" and i really need to feel that i'm not alone in this, i need to know that there is another person there doing the same thing that i do. The spanish forums in wich i write and tried to help, aren't being really helpful.. at least for me. I enjoy helping other people but my main problem is feeling.. alone.

I searched many of this forums early this year, and around 90%, 95% are womes who cut themselves, at least in the places i saw. So, being a boy, who burns himself, in a way i haven't read others do, it kinda sucks. There has to be someone there a little more crazy than me who hasn't lost his mind.

Two weeks ago, i had a surgery in my ear. One of the surgeons, a nurse, then my father (Different moments) started to ask me what was that in my arms and chest, how i did i do that. I manage to not answer to any of them, but a couple of hours ago my sister wrote me a sms asking about my "tattos", because my father told him because he was worried about me.

I hurt myself (edit: by burning). If i'm going to torture myself, at least i wanted to do something nice so i make a couple of symbols that i liked. They aren't going to go away, but i'm okay with that. As you may realize, this is not something that i can discuss face to face without appear to be a lunatic. In fact many people think that i'm smart, but they know that there is something off with me, haha. They just don't know the entire story.

I'm not going to write about my life, motives and all that, there is too much as you can imagine and this is not the place or the time for that, but well, the message in my cellphone of my sister telling me that my doctor spoke with my mother after the surgery, is in my head and that's the reason of me being here, i can't forget that so i wanted to write a little. She told me that the surgeon scared my mother, it seems that when i was asleep for the sedatives, she showed her my burns in my arms and my chest, saying that she have never seen a burn like that.

Well, i hope you can understand everything that i said. I'm not sure what i want, maybe knowing that there is someone there who also hurts himself really badly. When i started to do this, it started with cigarette burns. Then browsing the net i found about this Self injurers and i realize that i was one of them, my symptons were there, most of them. Only that it seems that i needed more pain than the average person..

Well.. thanks for reading all this..
Christian B.

when i burt myself it was from a x and is till have the scar. take care xxx

I'm not a guy, but I have burned myself in the past.
Good job talking about it; I hope you find the support you need here.
PM me anytime, if you'd like.

Take care,
Isabella

I was going to but i was scared of it scarring xxx.

hey christian..
you're not alone in how you self injure... i've burnt in a very similar way before.
i dont think it's strange at all,, everyone who self harms has a different method. they have different pain thresholds and you shouldn't feel bad in what you do.
i'm sorry it seems people have their suspicions about what's going on with you but maybe it's a good thing... maybe... i mean you wont be alone in it anymore, you can get help, it seems as if your family is worried.
anyway take care and i hope things get a bit better for you..
Perri.x

hi
im nota guy but i understand what you mean.
I burn aswell as cutting. and some of my burns have been quite bad :S

PM me any time.

take care
xXxXx

I have involved myself in several diffrent forms of self injury, burning being one of them. I finally fell into cutting and found my niche, but you are not crazy and you are certaintly not alone. What caught my attention is that you said you seem to need more pain than the average person. Everyone has a diffrent threshhold for pain, and at diffrent times need more or less. Its just the way your body responds. I know when I cut out of anger its ussually worse than when its out of saddenss or just being upset over something. When I burned it was the same way. If you ever need to talk, or would like me to go more indepth about anything i have said or gone through, please PM me, or IM me... vampira1776 thats a yahoo, I am ussually on. Stay strong...

Thanks for all the comments, i really appreciate it. I found today a couple of stories of guys who were doing the same thing that me, it's basically self branding. It's kinda weird, i started hurting myself, like this, early this year.. and since then i never found anyone doing this. Yes, there were a lot of people burning themselves, but not like me (I can't give details because it seems that its not allowed, but if you see a video or understand the concept behind branding you will understand). Before this, i started to burn my arm with cigarrettes, but they didn't give me what i needed. I have a line of cigarrette burns in my arm (Left to right) with more than twenty/twenty five scars..

I did know that there were a lot of people doing this with professionals, not alone in their homes because they wanted the pain. One of the main reasons why i kept doing it, was cause i needed to know that i could handle it, don't know, maybe feel that i could resist someting like that. It's sick, weird, but i know many people here know that feeling.

I don't have a problem into writing this, or opening myself here. Perhaps most of the mens out there cutting themselves have a problem with this, thats why there are so many girls here. But well.. thanks again for taking the time to read and to write something.