RYL Forums - Dying of Loneliness

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Dying of Loneliness

*sighs*

Right firstly am going to apologize, for being pathetic in not helping people lately , my mind blanks and i want to say something but i don't, i cant face doing anything. Am sorry i wish i was a better person, but am the eternal let down.

I need a friend i just need someone to be there as pathetic and as needy as that sounds thats what i need. I cant face asking for sleep from anyone, the only time i can mange to half attempt it is if I've drunk myself into a stupor. But i cant sleep anymore and when i do getting out of bed is literally painful. It hurts whats the point? It always hurts.

I feel as though am dying and no one can see. No one can help. But then why would they want too? My life isn't worth much at the end of the day and am tired of fighting to live, tired of wishing people would see through my stupid smile and jokes about everything thats happened and realize its actually killing me, and that it hurts so much i cant just talk about it, they need to ask and care and not judge.

Am just tired and had enough, i really need a friend.

Phoenix

Hey hon, i can't be with you right nwo but i am here. I am so sorry things are so rough, can you talk to your doctor? Do you have a therapist?? *cuddles* don't feel bad about not being able to help everyone! yo uneed to help yourself first!

Hey hon, you don't have to apologize for not being able to give to anyone right now. That doesn't make you a let down or a bad person. You are hurting and you are drained and you just don't have it to give right now. Wouldn't you be understanding to one of us if that was the case? We are always harder on ourselves it seems than we are on someone else, but you deserve the same understanding and compassion that you would give to someone else who is hurting as much as you are.

You do really need sleep sweetie, and alcohol may seem to help, but actually it makes you have a restless sleep where you don't actually get the full restful sleep that your body needs. When you are tired and exhausted and it goes on for a while... everything seems even more painful, more overwhelming, and harder to deal with.

Can you talk to a doctor about the fact that you are having trouble with your sleep and see if they might prescribe you something? And if you can it might be a good idea to mention to the doctor that you are willing to try non-habit forming sleep aides because some docs are leary about giving out sleep meds if they think you want something that is narcotic or that can be addicting. You really need rest. It won't make everything go away but it will make a big difference in how much you can cope and how strong you feel.

Also, please know that even though we aren't right there beside you, we are here for you. I care very much about you. I hear what a hard time you are having and want to offer as much support and care as I can because you do deserve it!

Hearing you say that you don't think you are worth it is so heartbreaking to me.:crying: Of course you should have people who notice what you feel and care. You are important and you are worth time, support, and deserve friends.

You have friends here. If you ever want to talk more please private message me or email me and I will try to get back to you as soon as I can. My email address is in my profile. I check my email and PMs everyday. I want to be there for you if I can. You aren't alone.

*hugs*

Please try to hang in there and know you are cared about here on RYL. Also, please try to give yourself some TLC and remember what I said about how you would treat someone else who was hurting like you are. I know it's hard, but again, you deserve the same gentle treatment you'd give to someone you care about who is really hurting.

I hope you can see a doctor and I hope things ease up soon.

Thank you Jess and Secret,

I haven;t been to see a mental health person for five years, last time i did they threatened to section me if i didn't do it voluntarily, after that i never went back to therapy and they never checked up and i went back to pretending everything was fine, i couldn't hurt my family anymore, i hated myself for it.

I need to be there for people not burdening them, like am doing to people here now and am sorry for that but i cant make those words come out in real life it just humiliates me. Anything involving my emotions humiliates me, i know its silly but it does. I might go see the doc next week about some bad face pain I've been having so maybe i could drop in that i haven't been sleeping well, i don't know.

Am just sorry that am like this, that am no good anymore, just selfish and needy.

*cuddles you both* thank you for being there xxx

Hi hun. You have no reason to apologise and you are not needy or selfish, you just want friends and I will be here for you if you need me. Please pm me anytime. thats a good idea to tell your doctor about your sleeping. I am so sorry things feel so bad right now and I really hope you feel better soon.

just wanted to give you big hugs. xx

Thank you all *hugs back*

Am sorry i just been finding things a bit difficult lately (more so than normal), and i don't know, i kind of forget why to keep trying, its like trying to walk through really thick mud and its pouring down with rain and windy and you just wish you could turn to someone and just say this is absolute crap and they would understand and know that those words even though they were simple, were so difficult to say. I think i feel like sometimes i have no one really to say that too. The simplest things have become a battle.

But thank you again i did smile when i opened my thread and saw that you all replied, i didn't feel so lonely. *hugs again*

Phoenix xxxx

Sorry I don't really know what to say but I know how difficult it can be when you feel unloved. I don't think it's being needy, everyone needs to have someone there for them (unless they're a robot) even if it's just a friend or family member who you can talk to without fear of judgement......that is definately not pathetic or needy!

"tired of wishing people would see through my stupid smile and jokes about everything thats happened and realize its actually killing me, and that it hurts so much i cant just talk about it, they need to ask and care and not judge"

Could have written that word for word. *gets teary*

I dont know what to say. if i did id say it to myself.

just want you to know i understand.

Matthew x

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ninjapenguin (Post 1237639)

ditto
*hugs*

Hey,

Thanks for all your replies *feels fuzzy inside*. Well i think I've realized I've come to a point now were and can either appreciate what i do have and keep fighting for the stuff that i don't including just for once trying to go to sleep happy or just give in an put an end to what is turning into a ridiculously long and drawn out battle.
Rationally you would think go for option A but its just so damn tiring some days i am literally exhausted some days and thats when i feel like saying i cant do this all over again, i cant put myself through this.
But for some reason i still do, so maybe i have found something worth fighting for i just haven't realized it yet, sorry confusing. So for now I'll keep trying and just having you lot all here to understand is a huge help, it doesn't always stop me feeling lonely but it does make me feel cared about and not alone in feeling lonely or just plain crap if you get what i mean. I just cant be kicked in the teeth by life anymore.

I don't actually know what am trying to say, i feel like am tripping up on my own words.

*hugs everyone back* Thank you

Phoenix xxx