is my marriage coming to an end?
 

:Crying:im sitting here all alone wondering what the hell my hubby has been up to this evening, for as sure as life itself he hasnt let me know. he went to a party with the plan to be home originally in time to bath my daughter. knowing his track record i certainly didnt expect him home that early. however i did expect at least a text or for him to answer one of my 40+ phone calls.

when that many calls go unanswered something is up... either he's in trouble (statistically less likely) or he's ignoring me. which no matter what the reason (he's doing something he shouldnt or he just doesnt care enough) make me feel scared and worthless.... devastated doesnt even come close...

eventually it seems he has answered one of his phones but no the button just got pushed whilst it was on in his pocket. I tried getting his attention but he was too involved in regaling some story about "poking" some girl in the bum to hear me. After hearing that my blood ran cold (i now know the true meaning of that phrase) and i was sat speechless and shivering uncontrollably with my ear to the phone. several minutes later i hear a train pull into a station and my hubby disembark. i then hear his other phone ring and him answer (so he has retained that capability after all)... he's talking about all the possibilities for staying out and spending more money. no mention of coming home to his wife who is foolishly waiting anxiously for him. who is hurt by his lack of (searching for the right word but so many would fit appropriately).... anything...

so desperate at the state of her marriage/relationship that she calls her sister (even though this is me who never ever turns for help or support irl)

i cry and cry and cry and cry......

and cry....

he's called unapologetic and drunk... he's on his way home...


i cry and cry

hey

i really dont know what to say that could help but speak to him about howyou feel.

*hugs*

thanx

unfortunately this isnt just one lone incident... its a symptom in a whole host of other ongoing issues... by itself i would be really annoyed and hurt but on top of everything that has gone beofre... is it just that one step too far? i have never posted about the issues withing my marriage esp on here where we met os publicly. i dont open up to people about the big stuff... just him. things have been so rocky i broke that age old tradition and spoke briefly to my mum a few wks back but not in any great detail and with one hell of a lot of excuse making by me on his behalf. but right now im so sick of trying to reason everything out... it is too much...

i just want to be loved, appreciated and respected.... is that really that unreasonable?????

:'o(

*HUGS*
It is a really difficult situation to be in.
All I can say here is something I was once told....
"when the end of your marriage has come, you will not have to ask anyone for advice"

People here can only tell you, or advise you, what they would do in this situation.
But, we all have our own limits of what we will and will not put up with...you will know when your limit has come.

Please take care, my thoughts are with you,
Linda

Im am really not sure what to say to make you feel better dear. But I did want you to know, that when reading your post, I could really feel that you are really upset. I really hope you get everything worked out. Many many hugs to you.
xx
Nicole

I don't honestly think I can say anything. Except *HUGS*.

Seriously, it's guys like him that give guys a bad rep. :nono: That's not fair on the rest of us.

I'm so sorry. I remember reading about it when the two of you first got married, and when you had the baby. He hasn't posted in a long time so I don't know how many people here know him well enough to give you anymore insight than you already have...
I will say that you don't deserve this from anybody. I'd amost consider printing all of this out and leaving it for him to read, if it were me. He needs to know exactly how much pain is causing you. A psych once told me that people need to know how their actions are hurting people before they can start trying to change. You are a such a wonderful person and I have always admired you. With or without him, you'd survive and be a good mother to your child. Remind him that your child needs a father too. Please know that you are in my thoughts and I hope for the very best.

I have had the feeling things havent been right in a while. Alchy I dont have any words that will take the pain away - but perhaps its now the time to sit down and talk to him. I am here and you know Im always about and only a PM away.
Take care
xxxxxxxx

Maybe you should try to have a serious talk with him or have you ever considered trying couples therapy? He might not really be able to see past himself and that might give him a kick he needs to be the man you first met. On another note being able to open up to someone besides him is a big thing. Your sister probably thinks you two are closer because of it and you now have someone else to talk to besides him. I hope you feel better. Update us on anything new that happens if you decide to have a talk with him about it.

thankyou

we talked tonight and i think therapy is the way to go. it's not the first time we have had talks of this kind but just talking hasn't worked so therapy is the only option left to us. i really can't continue on the way we are and i now know that i can't fix things all by myself.

but.....


i just hurt so much

did he know that you heard him talking? maybe point it out to him using his call logs at evidence.

he needs to get his act together, especially when you have your wonderful daughter to consider into the bargain. you have put up with a lot hun, and i hope counselling works. *hugs* mand x

*agrees with irene*
Oh alchy, Im so sorry...I know there had been troubles in the opast but i thought it was...well fine. Im sorry. I know you dont open up easy and i can imagine what this has cost you...pls dont regret it.
I think you are very smart to realize counselling is needed..i hope it can happen.
And NO! It is NOT too much to ask...no offense meant...but i hope he realizes just what a gem he has while he still has it!! That goews double.
If you need, you know ok?
*many hugs to you hunni*
Luv ya
romp

I hope that the therapy works out.
You deserve to be treated better.

you need to talk to him. be clear-cut and brief, and just spit the facts as you see them, and when he responds truly listen because while it might hurt or stupify you it's how he sees things which are as valid as your own.

as an aside: the next time he does something stupid just smack'em up side the head like my mom does everyone.nooooo,it doesn't solve anything but sometimes it is a good knock back into reality for some.

I hope the therapy works for you guys. Maybe it'll help him see what he does to you and remember who you are. Good luck. I know you hurt but with therapy you should at least have someone who can mediate between the two of you to maybe get you on the right track again.

Just wanted to send some more *hugs* and love and support
luv ya hunni
romp

not that we condone violene eh sade? :p

*hugz* I've been gone for so long -- hope things are a lot better now.

I'm so sorry, sweetie. So very sorry.