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this will take you to something i wrote about my feelings about my si it may be triggering i don't know http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fu...ogID=444884696
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Intense and painful emotions - It hurts to read-I hurt for you. I can't imagine how much pain or what turmoil you must be feeling. I can only tell you I relate in a way because from what I read, I feel some things very similar in a situation in my life. I say this not to take anything away from your experience, but just so you know that someone can empathize. I also want you to know you aren't alone and I hope you know we all care about you here. If talking or anything else we can do will help, I hope you'll tell us.  |
thank you it helps to know that people understand and even feel the same way as me. i wrote as a way of telling people what i am going through because i can't tell anyone about my problem i have tried before and the people i told act like it's nothing. i fight the feelings and the urges everyday and am getting tired of doing it alone. o know that i can come on here and talk to people but most of the time i just can't find the right way to express how i am feeling. i lost all my friends because of this and it has taken me years to get to the point where i can even try to make new ones. i finally made some friends a few months ago and because of the way i start feeling and acting when i need to hurt myself i almost lost them. after about 3 weeks of not talking to them i finally sent them a message and they want to hang out again.
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That is incredibly difficult. The loss of your friends must have felt like a huge blow, and whenever anyone makes your feelings and struggles feel like nothing- that REALLY hurts even more. I am glad that you have friends who seem to be willing to be patient and hang out with you again. As for finding the right words, I can relate to that. Sometimes, you don't have to have the right words. I hope you don't mind my saying that. If you need support or are feeling like hurting yourself, or whatever is going on, you can just mention that in a post if the rest of the words are jumbled in your mind or you can't think what to say. I am sure you will get a response and support here. Anytime you need a friend here, I will try to be there for you as much as I can be. Hang in there and know you aren't alone on RYL. Your feelings are important. *hugs* |
the friends i thought i was going to start hanging out with again seem to really not want me around anymore we were supposed to hang out yesterday but didn't and they never called me like they said they would i guess thats two more friends i lost. today at work the girl i eat lunch with everday made somone else move over so she wouldn't have to sit next to me. she actually told the other person that she had to move. she said she doesn't want people to think we are dating. i guess im just that horrible a person that somone can't stand to be near me because of what other people might think. this same girl has told me about how she has had people say she was dating another guy who she wasn't and she thought it was funny but if people think the same about me she can't stand it. i feel so stupid for letting this bother me but it always does. it's days like this i don't even see the point of trying to stop hurting myself it's been 9 months and right now i just really want to give up.
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