i cant cope
 

i hate living inside my head, the thought that i'll only ever live with my mind really scares me
i feel so drained atm, im just completely shattered, and im worrying constantly about everything and anything and im getting really paranoid about stuff
i cant begin to explain how much of a fuck-up and a waste of space i feel
even here on ryl, all i can do is mope about, i cant give anyone useful advice or help...why? cus im a complete waste of space
and everyone thinks im just moaning and being a shit person, but i really cant cope living inside my head anymore
im horrible and im selfish, and like i keep saying everyone would be better off with me dead
everything thats wrong is cus of me, and everythings in my head, but if im always gonna be me then none of its ever going to go away
argh! i dont know, i really dont anymore, in these past 2 weeks all the thoughts in my head seem to have escalated....
all i can think about is suicide, the thoughts are constantly there, i even have dreams about it..
im seeing my psychiatrist on tuesday, but hes leaving and im being referred 2 one of his collegues, i made a pact with myself that id fight until i spoke to him on tuesday...but wot can i say to him? its not asthough theres anthing he can do, its all in my head, its all cus of me and if i cant sort it out how can he? n hes leaving anyway
im so confused
iv got a constant headache, im getting irritable with my family, i dont mean to but i just cant cope with anything anymore, they nag me about the smallest things but they dont understand, im so exhausted and low and lost and confused
im starting to feel further and further from reality, asthough nothing really exists..
and i cant let anyone in, i dont know why but i cant, i cant let anyone into this little world iv created and i cant get out
im stuck, and lost, i just want it all to go away, but as long as im me nothing will...
im sorry, iv just rambled on and wasted your time, but iv got nowhere else to turn, im sorry
i just want to cry :crying: and then curl up and go to sleep and not wake up
i dont know how much longer i can keep going :crying:

It sounds like its pretty torturous inside your head right now.

Let me assure you that you are not a waste of space. I can relate to feeling that way, however. There are usually reasons that you feel that way... its the deceptive depression voice, as well as you may have been disregarded or ignored before, and that has left you feeling so bad about yourself.

Psychiatrists are trained in helping you manage what is going on in your head, and helping you find alternative, healthy ways of looking at yourself.

I understand what its like to feel trapped in your prison of fear and pain. Who would want to know what its like there? So you keep them out.
But... people who really care will be there with you, find out the nature of the landscape, and do their best to befriend and connect with the trapped lost person inside who is aching to come out and be loved.

*Cuddles*

Just because you are not stable enough to give help and support it doesnt mean you're a bad person. It means you're struggling, you are the most important one, if you're not strong enough to offer support then dont worry, just look after yourself.

Im sorry you're finding everything so hard at the moment, I really think you need to talk to your psych on Tuesday, tell them about the thoughts of suicide and feeling trapped in your mind. I know its rubbish when your psych leaves, but it may be a positive thing, its a new way of looking at things and they may pick up on something your last psych missed. Dont give up on them before you've even met them, you have to give them a chance.

You keep talking to us hun, you can make it to Tuesday, I know you can.
We are always around, The Supporters are there if you want to talk to someone and the forums are always around.
Take care
Aimee xx

hey, we need people like you to make up the community. a support site would be a bit of a waste with no-one to support!

*hugs* play some loud upbeat music, drown out your mind for a little bit. take a rest from it all. *hugs* mand x

hey, your struggling atm, and you need support and we're here to support you!
im so glad you added me to msn and that we chat alot. i admire you for trying so hard to get help, i really do. il send you my number, then we can text while im away if you want . take care of yourself.
lots of love sian x x x