Wanting Attention
 

Although I am not one to like being the centre of attention I feel like I have been using my illness to get attention from different people. Like when I was in hospital I self harmed and tried to kill myself to get attention from the staff to try and let them know how desperate I was feeling. I feel that if I get better then people wont want anything to do with me and I wont get any attention . It feels like Im only important because I am ill. I know I shouldnt be thinking like that and I shouldnt be wanting the attention but I just cant help it and I dont know how to stop my brain being like that, I hate it so much I dont know what to do.

exactly how I feel i wish I could tell you what to do, I guess just when we do get better they will still be around and care

I undtertsand what you mean.

I don't paticulary like to be centre of attention but i often find myself wanting to gain attention especially from professionals. I guess we kinda want somoene to care...and i guess if you've been ill so long you lose yourself in the illness, you feel like you've become that illness like people only know you for that illness so what would you do without the illness? I don't think it's really about attention as such it's more to do with the fact that well lets face it EVERYONE in the world needs some kind of attention otherwise we'd just be lonely. But i think this is more of a confidence and self esteem issue. It's like "No one will like me for my personalyty but people will pay attention to me if i'm ill. If i behave this way, if i do this if they see this they will pay me attention" Cause you don't feel you personality is worth it cause you don't have enough confidence.

"I don't know where i went so please know my illness recognise my illness but please don't recognise me"

you summed it all up for me :( ...I feel the same way . if i knew the and answer to this i would comment but i am yet trying to figure it out and how to deal..I will keep reading this post to try to take vaule from it . good luck to you and I!!

I don't know if this is true or not, but is it possible you could get attention by overcoming simply for the fact you have overcome?

I just want to let you know you're not alone.
*hugs*
xx

I think I know what you mean as well.
But with me it goes in phases- sometimes I want them to leave me the hell alone!!!
I know for me it's because I'm longing for someone to show me that they love me or care about me.
I hate myself for all of that though. It drives me bloody insane and I just wish my mind wouldn't think like that because it must be so annoying for other people.
xxxx

i understand completely.. :/
x

Thanks guys, it comforts me to know that Im not on my own and that it is normal to feel like that when I am ill. I have spoken to my therapist about it months ago, but I might bring it up again this week as I think that would be beneficial. Thanks for the support. I think that once I start getting better the need for attention will dissipate, well thats what Im hoping anyway and I hope that I will get different sorts of attention when I am better in a more positive way. I will learn to self satisfy.