Im at a loss!
 

Hi there,

Im Kelly and totally new to this site, just found it tonight so i really hope ive done this right and havent upset anyone. I just really need to rant and possibly get some help.

I was abused from the age of 8 up until 12, by my step father his family and friends. Really just anyone who wanted to join in did, but the abuse went a few steps further and delved into emotional, physical and torture. This has left me with a constant sense of dread, i feel like something bad is going to happen to me every minute of the day and i cant seem to go outside without having a panic attack. I rent a room in a house and tonight im alone, i feel soo scared and i think someone is going to break into the house and kill/hurt me and when it doesnt happen i relieve the feelings by hurting myself. I shjould be ashamed of the way i feel and i need to cleanse myself of this badness but i cant self harm anymore as my family and friends said that they wouldnt speak to me if i did, what do i do?!?!?!?. So i sleep with something under the pillow which i can use to protect myself. I have nightmares everynight and i really cant cope with it much longer, i was wondering whether anyone has any sugestions on how to wake yourself up during them? Might be a stupid question but im at my wits end. Sorry to rant here i hope i havent taken up too much of anyones time, thanks

kellzy

i have nightmares alot, but ive never been able to wake myself.

but pm if you need to talk or anything.

hi
 

Yeh, it gets a bit tedious after a while. Too scared to go to sleep now, so bring on the coffee and the pro plus:-(. Thanks for replying, i wasnt sure if anyone would.

kellzy

yeah ive done the days on pro plus, its really not great, you will need to sleep properly eventually.

do you want to talk about your nightmares or anything?
have you spoken to dr/psych about them or anything?

Yeh i know, but i just cant bare these nightmares any more it drains me and then all i can hear is his voice in my head and i start to relive it all over again. It happened last night and i ruined a perfect few months of not harming myself, im just usless and i cant get support from my psych as she said that if i do it again im out of the programme. I feel so alone at the moment, i just cant let this go, its too scary to go through everything again. AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !

what programme are you in? a self harm one?

are you nightmares always the same? containing the same images, characters, acts etc?

or do they differ? can you see any themes, if they are different?

no i was in hospital for about 6 months but not a self harm programme. The nightmares cycle it depends i can have about 3 or 4 in one night, they are slightly different but focus on all of the abusers sometimes all at once or one at a time. The acts are pretty much the same, but im always viewing it like ive been dug into the ground and can only see right above me. Other times im stuck to the ceiling and cant get down, but my abusers are up there with me hanging upside down and they are able to crawl up the walls. Other nightmares are about me trying to stay alive as theres something coming to get me to kill or hurt me but i can never see what it is and its getting all my friends and family, just like my abusers said they would do if i told anyone about what was happening. It goes on but ive just read what ive typed and i sound like a nut job so im going to stop

I have nightmares too, and again have never been able to wake up from them.... but I try and do things to prevent them. You've probably heard of them before, but I have a bath or listen to calming music or read a book if i feel like it. It's just enough to calm me down before I go to bed. It doesn't get rid of them completely, but it does make them less frequent and not as bad.

Do you right your dreams down. Maybe try it every time you have one, and then look back at it and try and figure out what it means. So when you said about being stuck to the ceiling/in the floor... that implies that you feel trapped. What could you think about that will help you break free? Plan what you would like to happen in your dream, and think about it lots. Concentrate on it before you go to bed, and you might find you can escape in your dream.

I know it sounds odd, but it's all about thinking patterns. Could be worth a try?

Take care
*hugs*
Chrissy
xxx

Hey hun, I am not quite sure what to say as I am not much use at the moment but I just wanted to let you know that I am here and you can talk to me if you like, love

Lyssie xx

Can you predict when you're going to have a nightmare? Or is it every night? When something scary happens in your nightmare, usually you are shocked into conciousness. Maybe if there was something else to envoke the need for conciousness it would be easier. Old indian trick is to drink LOADS of water before you go to sleep and that helps you wake up, because your body needs you to wee. I don't know if this is a helpful suggestion in any way. *Hugs* Stay strong and be brave.
x x