Trouble with a friend... advice please? (NO IRL PLEASE)
 

Basically, I need some advice.

First of all, the friend in question is on RYL. I have spoken to her about this problem, but we couldn't come up with anything except to not talk about it. She knows I care and am worried about her. I realise by posting this i risk upsetting her or being accused of going behind her back but that's not my intention. I'm just struggling with this and I need some impartial advice, and this is the only place I have to turn to.

Anyway, my question is, what do you do when you have a friend who is suffering from depression but they don't want help? I have a friend who has depression, was put on meds but came off them, she got a lot better for a while, but now she is suffering again and... I just want to help. I want to support her, because I care, but I don't know what to do. I know you can't force somebody to get help or seek medical advice, and its her decision, and I honestly respect that but how do you cope with it and how do you support the person without sounding like you're forcing them to do something they don't want?

It feels like this is ruining our friendship. I care about her and I want her to feel better, but there's nothing I can do and she's not doing anything for herself, and that kills me. We don't really hang out and have fun any more, and when we talk I try to offer support but it seems unwanted, but because she is depressed we never have proper conversations and it feel like we're drifting apart and we have nothing in common any more and... I dunno what to do. We keep getting into arguments. There's nothing positive about our relationship any more, no fun, no chats, no supporting one another...

I know it's because she's depressed ... and it's not her fault... but I'm trying to recover from depression myself, and it's been hard for me lately. I know how she feels and I just want to help. But this keeps bringing me down and I don't know how to let it go so that it's not getting in the way of MY recovery, without ignoring or neglecting her.

Any advice would be much, much appreciated.

i know it's probably not what you want to hear, but there really is nothing you can do, but be there for her.
i think that she must know you care about her. &i think that's enough. there's nothing more you can do.
if she doesn't want any help, then i doubt anything you say/do is gunna change that. &i don't think you should try [though i'm not saying you are]. i think that she just needs time to be depressed, tbh, &just let her get on with it, for lack of a better phrase.
&then, hopefully, after some time, she may feel ready to start taking her meds again, or get better, or whatever.
in the meantime.. i don't know how close you are with her [ie. if you go to school together, or whatnot], but just TRY & make things.. fun, heh. if anything, try & do activities as that usually makes for better days out than just hanging out, where things can get awkward if one of you aren't talking much. or invite other mutual friends along. that way, she won't feel so much pressure to be like, half of the centre of attention. she can easily sit back & not have to talk to anyone TOO much, but still have a day out with her friends.
i'm not sure.
just like, make sure you don't.. bring each other down. which i know would be difficult if depression is a main topic of discussion.. but yeah. just try & keep things lighthearted, or well.. superficial, in a way.

mm.
sorry.
i wanted to help.
goodluck with it all.
x.

Apart from being there for her when she needs you, I don't think there's really anything more you can do about it.

^ I know there's nothing I can do about the fact that she is depressed and there's not much I can do for HER right now.

I guess what I want to know is what should I do for myself so that I can "be there for her when she needs me" and distance myself enough so that I'm not jeopardising my own recovery and it's not standing in the way of our friendship?

The last thing I want to do is abandon her but... do you think there's a point where you have to distance yourself, and put yourself first so you dont get hurt and upset all the time? or is that just selfish?

I think there is a point where you do have to distance yourself - I've had a friend of mine do that to me a few times this year and found it very hard.

That is not selfish at all sweetie. I know you might feel a bit bad for doing it, but you have to do what's right for you sometimes.
*squishes*

I agree with everyone else. You just have to be there for her I guess.
She'll probably lose all hope if she knows she hasn't go you. So maybe distance yourself, but you're going to have to be careful, incase she mistakes that as you not being there for you. I know I did that with my friend, and it just made her feel like she couldn't tell me anything, so just be careful.
I think she's trying to prove to herself that she can get better without meds, and thats how it works for some people. So it's either something she has to work through and get better, or realise that it's not going to work so she needs to go back on them.

Anyway, go out with each other and try and keep busy and have fun

*hug*

<33