why is this all I feel - sort of rhetorical question
 

I was hoping my moods were improving this week, I hadn’t crashed badly, just felt mildly down. I slept badly last night though and so I didn’t get up this morning for a run.

I don’t feel anything though, only the need to cut. I stood in front of the mirror doing my makeup and all I wanted to see was blood running down my arms. I wanted to feel pain *sigh*

Things are fine, left hubby in bed ‘cos he’s on early shifts tomorrow, dropped J at school and then driving away all that kept me from pulling out in front of someone was the thought that I could hurt someone other than me.

I don’t understand why I’m feeling like this, at the moment work is fine, home is fine, the sun is shining, but I feel nothing other than the need to hurt myself, *cries*

maybe youre not used to everything being"fine". i think thats how alot of people get pushed back into old ways...the familiar. that may not be your case, im not sure.
keeping you in my thoughts
much love.
xx