Ugh.
 

I introduced myself here a while back (July or something) because I was having a lot of problems with SI and depression but I haven't been on since. Lately, I've been feeling pretty well though and haven't SI'd since. The other day though, after thinking about cutting for a few days, I did but not badly. I already felt crappy because I didn't want to have to talk about this in therapy again, tell my parents, and feel like a failure all over again. I'd started to move past it and I was feeling better when, a friend jokingly pulled up the sleeves of my shirt and checked my arms. I told him about my cutting back in April, only because I had to explain why I was home from boarding school and he's been kind of a jerk about it ever since (the arm checks are a new addition.) He saw the mark on my forearm and refused to talk to me after. We were at play rehearsal and I don't know if he told anyone (I doubt it) but everyone was paying attention to me and I felt really out of it the rest of the time. I now feel really awkward around him and find myself feeling worse than I have in a while. Sorry this was kind of long. I just don't feel like I can tell anyone around me about my cutting again.

Well, thankfully, I'm home for school now so I have my parents around which is really helpful. I do want to tell them I'm not in top form but it's hard to break out of how easy it is when I'm doing fine.