RYL Forums - Whats wrong with my mental health?? Could be *triggering*.

This is kind of a rant, but i need other people's thoughts as well.
Ive said this before in my other post..

Ive been a cutter for a year now and sometimes i can go a while without doing it. My longest was a month and a week. During that time, my mental breakdowns became less and i just felt okay.

Well ive started cutting again since then and the breakdowns are back. They get in the way of alot of things i have to do. Its so frustrating, and i hate it. Does anyone else have these ? What are yours like? How do you deal, especially if youre in a large group of people or an important place at the time?

Sometimes, randomly..Or sometimes it can be triggered by anything. Small or big, my brain just goes off. I start to feel really sad and angry inside at the same time. My mind gets confused and so many thoughts start running through my head. I cant think clearly and i just feel overwhelmed with thoughts. I get really indecisive about whether i should walk off or stay or start yelling or run away and jump off a bridge. my brain just gets flooded with so many thoughts at once and it makes me just break down and cry and i basically panic.

The trouble with this, is sometimes it happens at school or other important places and makes me miss out on things that i need to be at. For instance, yesterday was my first big breakdown since i started cutting again. I was supposed to dance in the homecoming parade for dance team. But i got there, and there was too much stress. I started crying and freaking out and i didnt know where to go or what to do. I just broke down and found a ride home, and ended up missing the parade.

Right now, im supposed to be at practice. But it happened to me again. I cant keep doing this. Not many people know about my problem and its so hard to be at school and act like im okay all the time. I cant deal with schoolwork and extra curriculars with this going on at the same time.

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