it wears me out, it wears me out
 

two things are depressing me at the moment

1. there is no easy way to die, no definate way, no painless way.

2. i know just how much my family and friends will hurt if i do, i probably underestimate it.

i need help, but how i dont know. nothing ever seems to work. i think this is just me.

I hear how you're hurting, how you're struggling with life, but don't want to hurt yourself more. Neither do you want to hurt other people.

Well done for reaching out, and for recognising that you need help.

You don't know exactly what you want or need right now, but that's ok. Post here and we will do our best to help you through.

i dont know what i want either. im just miserable, always have an underlying sadness, even when manicky, just ok. i have a mood disorder assesment thing coming up i think, although i havent heard from them yet n you probs know how long waiting lists are. everything is just ****, or its not, i make it ****. i should be ok, praps not estatic but ok. i think i make myself like this. or maybe i dont. i think completley contrasting thoughts. im just confused really. ive had help, CBT, prozac, citalopram. im starting cognitive analytical therapy in august. just getting closer and closer to ODing again.
life is ****

First of all I wanna say I feel for you because that is mainly how I feel all the time. It is hard to just get through somedays but I admire your courage because you can. That really all I have to say sorry if it wasnt of any help.

I know exactly how you feel. I have friends that just stick by me when i go through times like this, they repeatedly remind me that they love me and that I don't need to hurt myself more. I want you to know that its the same for you. Posting on here shows so much strength, well done!
Stay safe, if you want a chat, just PM

*super big hugs*
I know how you feel...at least I think I understand what you are saying. I'm alive because of what my suicide would do to others...
Sorry I don't really have any advice for you at the moment... Just please be gental with yourself.
One more *hug*

Alyssa

I know all too well how you are feeling. i came to a point a long time ago where I was ok with the fact that killing myself was going to be painful, but I still haven't gotten past what it would do to the people that are in my life. i have no good advice, just wanted you to know you are not alone.