Miscellaneous; updated at the end of page 1
 

I am interested because you are talking about what you are doing to help yourself, you are reaching out. I think that is great.

It's good that you managed to keep yourself occupied doing something you enjoy :)

huggles hunny

Med changes are kinda weird. And I had some sinus probs last week cause of traveling through mountains.

Do what you need to do to stay healthy and safe. I've been spending a lot of time here lately!

Well I'm doing what I can. The persistent sore throat is bugging me, but I think I'll survive heh. I'm sure the side effects will wear off in time. I hate feeling tired in any way but my mental alertness is still up to scratch thankfully. Just am physically tired which isn't normal at all. I think it must be tied in with the cold-symptoms mentioned in with the side effects rather than fatigue itself. Won't think about too much otherwise I'll get myself too confused about which is happening because of what.
I've had a bit of trouble with random stuttering the last couple of days too. Which I also think is the Carbamaz'.

I'm due to pick up a prescription for Propanolol at the surgery because I'm prescribed it on repeat now and have completely run out since three days ago. I have been having a lot of trouble due to returned heightened anxiety but every now and then today I've been wondering whether I should just try and manage without the Propanolol.
But perhaps I should cash the prescription anyhow so that I have some just incase. I can't pretend the anxiety isn't a problem. Hmm..

((((huggles back :smurf:))))

Was up today at around nine which was some achievement compared to normal. Got to sleep at near 3am in the end. Yesterday evening, Ceiron and I went to see "Disaster Movie", I had a good time. Felt generally nervy but it portrayed as me being a bit hyper IMO. Think it was just nervous energy filtered as hyperactivity though I wasn't nervous as such if that makes sense. Anxiety energy or whatever. When I saw a crisis team at my house a few months ago [was a mistaken set-up but I was assessed anyway], they described me as having nervous energy and so did my mum but I said I'm not nervous, they said it's not what it means so maybe people here understand what it actually is too.
Went to cash a script of Propanolol today so I'm glad to have it in the house again for when I need it. Going to try and eek it out this time so it doesn't run out as fast as last time. Was tearful earlier on the bus home. Not entirely sure why but it may be down to hormones due to changing pill type.
Phoned my friend, Harry whom I've known for years, in Glasgow whilst at the bus stop waiting to go into town and spoke to him about my Carbemazapine levels etc to do with my psych meds [didn't mention pill] and he said that they may have dipped during the change over of meds but not enough to make much of a difference to cause the probs I mentioned yet it will take a few days to build the level back upto normal.
So I hope it shan't be long till I'm over the side-effects, anxiety and random tearfulness...one can only hope. Despite the lot of it I am feeling generally happier today just in the grand scheme of things not going anywhere really. Perhaps I pin too much on the long-term goal and not enough on the here and now.

*big squishes*
no words.
im sorry.
much much love.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It is so easy to look at the long term and not at the here and now. Good for you for seeing that you can do that.
Hugs!

is ok. *cuddles* normal. kep tlking to us! *hugs*

i love you xxx

Thaks both for the replies and especially Jess for encouraging me to keep talking about what's going on. I'm rele rele hesitant to say anything about me even thought I answer things quite alot.
Today has been rubbish. I've been extremely pent up and stressed all day plus tired and generally ****ed off with everything.
Went to do the food shopping at Tescos with mum like most Saturdays. That's the only time I've been out the door. There has been no other reason to go out even though I've felt irritable enough to need to go for a walk since I've got up.
I've been getting stressed over what other ppl probably think is simple things to do. Today was hell in Tescos. I couldn't stand all the ppl and it was absolutely packed. I don't even know if ile be able to snap and cry later. If i end up going the other way and hearing voices then i may as well be done for.
It really isn't worth carrying on, no-one has any idea what i'm going through on a daily basis and I think the reason I don't feel able to write out is because no one cares. Not in real life so why would they care on here.
They're all too concerned with there own lack of whatever and "problems".

I can't be bothered to ramble on I just wish I was dead.

i must sound like i go on and on about the most trivial of things but i think it comes down to that im anxious and stressed all day then i snap and :crying: cry at the end of the day like now.
up until then im mean but i dont intend to be. being stressed and anxious and irritable makes me behave meanly but i cant help it however i try.
i hate it.
perhaps i just shouldnt talk to ppl in the day.
or i should let myself cry when i need to, even in the day when ppl are around.
i havent felt upto answering many ppls posts today and i feel bad for that.
iv just written an email to a friend. about how iv been and saying i feel like i need a break at his.
but i ended the email saying
"im sick of constantly living a life i need a break from :crying:"
i still, now find it hard to write about whats wrong, to anyone, not just here.
:crying::crying: im a mess sorry.

i am so sorry things are so bad for you at the moment, i wish i could say something to help, i want you to know i care and i am here to listen if you want to talk, i am also on carbamazapine and know how tough the side effects can be so if you want to rant or just talk i am here for you

*cuddles catherine*

Thank You...:-)

**cuddles back**

cuddel

cuddel

cuddel

Catherine xxxx

Sweetie, I understand about crowded shopping. I want some things from Walmart, but plan to wait till one afternoon next week to get them, unless my husband wants to go, then we might go together this afternoon. He knows about my thing with crowds.

It is ok to cry. I've been crying buckets lately. Sometimes I feel like an idiot but everyone has been reassuring me that it is ok. I've been carrying bandannas in my pocket because of it.

I've had to make some significant changes to my life in the last several years. I think things are better for having made those changes and I am glad I made them.

My PM box is always open if you want to talk.

*cuddles*

I maybe should carry a bandana or similar in my pocket, heh.
Cried again, in the cinema today. It beared no revelance to the song that was on there or what i was talking about, tho the song was a bit of a tearjerker. Only cried a small bit.
Last night or rather; this morning at 2am when i finally went upto bed my mum ended up shouting at me bcos i shut my bedroom door in such a way that woke both her and my stepdad up. She scares me when she gets angry at me, I knew she was gna come and shout @ me as soon as I heard her get up and obviously, I didn't mean to wake them up but it didn't seem to make a difference. Up until then I had been ok, was watching a film by myself and talking to Ceiron to MSN whilst replying to the odd text from Harry. I don't know many ppl properly and I think perhaps it's better that way bcos then I can try and make sure I can work on the relationship with each of them as i generally finding communication and how to behave to ppl in real life,..difficult and lets say..rocky unfortunately.
I went to bed scared and crying after she had a go at me (my mum). The thing that gets me is when I got up today and all thru today she hasnt apologised like im just meant to take it.
I've booked a flight up to Glasgow to stay with my friend Harry who lives there. Have felt like i needed a break. Not just from little anger outbursts from mum but from life rele.
I'm living a life and have been for a long time,..that i constantly feel i need a break from. I'm not happy where i'm living but then at other times i like it. Most of the time i dont tho.
I'll try and talk to him as he has offered to do so with me over many tall [and wide] glasses of Baileys and TBH i think even tho i've given up smoking for months i'll start again just for that week. I don't know if that would be the right thing, to just lose myself in a bottle of Baileys and talk things out. I'm so stuck i'm not even sure what's wrong with me anymore.
I feel like i'm too old [22] to be living with my parents anymore. I don't think it's healthy and i'm constantly agitated and stressed over nothing so much so that when i do actually have to put my mind and self to doing something, i nearlly lose the plot, i get angry and then i cry. On a normal day im just catty and irritable with ppl. i hate myself for it but i dont how to be relaxed and easy going.
TY so much for reading..I rele am getting to feeling settled enough in Vets Supp. to be able to write about what's going on now, i am sorry that i havent been upto replying with much of use though.

Catherine xoxoxo<3