*New title* Just because...
 

****. Very triggered but can't do anything. Sat with my boyfriend and his friend is coming over soon so no chance of being able to follow through the urges. Don't know how to make the urges go away without him noticing. I feel like all my muscles have tightened, my jaw is clenched and I want to explode. Don't know what to do with myself. Sorry, bit of a pointless post but I wanted to keep my hands occupied.

Im not sure hunny, when people are around i get dragged into the moment and forget things,

perhaps making sure you get involved in convos with them and have a chat about something completely random

Keeping your hands occupied is good. I do that too, with embroidery and crochet and stuff.

Just talking about it helps too.

*hugs you*

Thank you for the replies :) Ended up having quite a good night with them which helped, and knowing I had to fight it because people were around me forced me to push on through.

*hugs for everyone*

i am so glad the night turned out better than expected and well done for getting through it
xxx

Right, I'm going to post this in here because what I'm posting about is the reason I was so triggered in the first place and I don't want to waste space on the board with another thread. So here goes...

(Sorry it's so long)

A few days ago I logged on to Deviant Art, thinking I'd like to have a look through the new photographs that had been uploaded to see if there was anything interesting. So I open up the photography page and the first thing I see, smack bang in the middle of the page, is a photo of someone's fresh cuts. This hits me like a ton of bricks and I go from being alright and just wanting to look at some photos to being really triggered. So I click on this person's ID and have a look at their gallery. Not only are there quite a few photos of cuts and scars, there is also a piece of writing detailing how this person first started SI - including what tools they had used and how they had used them. It also seemed to advocate that SI is a brilliant way to make yourself feel better. Now I don't know if it's just me but I felt that it was pretty irresponsible to post this on a website that a lot of impressionable young people visit. I don't know, maybe I was being too sensitive.

So I did something I wouldn't normally do. I sent this person a note. Contacting people scares me, even when it's people I know and like. Usually, I would just ignore it and get on with things but it had had such an effect on me that I wasn't in my normal frame of mind. This is what I said:

I then spent the whole of the next day worrying that I had been horrible and that this person would be in a worse place because of what I'd said. Then I got a response, which was a pretty shitty message about how everyone else has been saying the same thing to them and that it's none of my business what they choose to upload as art and how I'm treating them like a dA newbie, blah blah blah. So this person obviously thinks I was just being horrible. They even put "I'm not the sappy, depressed emo kid longing for their mummy to notice them that you think I am." ... If only they knew that I know that SI is about so much more than that. It was this reply that triggered me so much that I posted about it with this thread.

Anyway, to get to the point of a very long and rambling story, I now can't stop beating myself up about being so stupid and sending that message. No matter what I'm doing or how hard I try not to think about it, my mind keeps wandering back to the question - was I being out of order in what I said? Which is where you guys come in... If I said things that I shouldn't have, please tell me. I'm not looking for reassurance or for beration, I just want to set my mind at rest one way or another because right now I feel like a complete bitch for saying anything.

If you've read this far, thank you and well done! Sorry it's taken me so long to get to the point of my post.

I would have done exactly the same as you did. I think you did the right thing pointing out the unsuitablity of the picture when a warning hadnt been given about its content.

I too am very easily triggered so I can understand how you feel right now. But please dont beat yourself up over it and try to focus on your well being and trying to keep yourself safe.

much love xx

Hey

Please don't beat yourself up about this. I read your pm to her and thought it was really measured and helpful. You did what was right. She is obviously not in a great place right now and will hopefully realise that sooner or later. However, you have done what you could and should not beat yourself up about it.

Take care

*hugs*

that was a greatt hing to don love! You were really nice and understanding and just generally awesome! *nods* Well done, don't beat yourself up! you did good!

Thank you for the replies, it's good to know I wasn't being completely irrational x

Your letter was great. You were not condemning the photographer. You were informing and asking him to consider the impact of his decisions to post those photos.

Good job, well done. Thank you for showing to him and any others who and what we really are.

*hugs you*

Thanks :)

I've been thinking about all this and I think that maybe they didn't want to be helped, hence them posting it on a website like that instead of one like this and ignoring the advice I tried to give them. In response to my guess that they haven't been harming long (something that was said in the piece of writing hinted at it), they said it had only been a couple of months... I know that I didn't want to be helped when I was at that stage of SI, although I don't think I would ever have had the courage to tell or show anyone about it, be they in real life or online.