Scary Independance
 

So it is about a week before I leave my parents and go back home, half of me can't wait because I hate living under someone but the other part of me is terrified. Going back there, I have to give a statement to the police, I have to manage my money and get a job or try and get some money elsewhere. Then I have to live with being scared he will find me again. Then there is passing uni with a good grade. And the counselling the counselling starts when i get back and i ticked the sexual abuse box ( wish i hadnt now) so will have to talk about that.

But what I'm scared of the most, no one to keep an eye on me I can buy whatever I need to hurt myself. My life can so easily slip into disrepair and I dont think I'm strong enough yet.

You can always talk to us when you are triggered.
*cuddles you*

If you don't think you have the strength, can you try to think of things that will help pull you through before you leave? Like things you can think of that will be motivation not to harm yourself too much, things that you are looking forward to, people you can call when you feel bad, etc. Maybe you could make a list of things you can do when you don't feel strong enough?

do you share house/ dorn/ flat with anyone else? anyone who maby you can talk too.
the counselling will be a good think-at least your getting help, and that must of took strenth.
you can always come on her anytime you feel you might si

take care
xxx

But with independence also comes pride of doing things yourself, even if its only simple things like preparing your own food or going to bed when you want to.

You have a choice right now on how you want your life to go. You can decide its direction. Perhaps you can make some lits in pretty colors on why you dont want to buy things like tools and reasons for not harming and put them up around the place to remind yourself.

Also its a good idea to have some back up plans incase things get tough. Some numbers you can call (help lines and friends) and some distractions you can do (like backing or making cards) there is also a support system here on ryl supporters@recoveryourlife.com

The world is your oyster so to speak. you have full control. Dont let him win you. Take back that control with pride and i know you will come out on top. :thumbsup:

Good luck with everything.
Kim

I do want to be independent because I love it being able to do my own thing but it is like a double edged sword you know. I do live in a shared house but its all a bit confusing. I have created a happy box which I always use to distract it has numbers of helplines but I always get scared.

Think I just needed some reassurance I'm not going to fall apart, even if I do. :S

If you are determined enough not to fall apart then you wont. I doubt that you will. I can see you going on to being happy and beating this. As you said independence can be great. Just remember to look after yourself and plan plenty of treats because your worth it.

we are all here to help you when things get tough, maybe you can come on here and talk to us if things get too much and we can try and help out as much as we can :)

I gave up I feel really really stupid. Could do with some support if possible

No need to feel stupid. You are just struggling to find ways of coping and a place to belong.

*cuddles you*

*hugs you*

I hope you're feeling better this morning