accidental injuries...
 

have been really clumsy recently and have managed to cause myself several accidental injuries. The scary thing is, I'm beginning to expect to make myself bleed and I'm half stopping myself from being careful. My mind is kinda split in two and i dont like it. half of me is trying to stop self harming, the other half doesnt seem to care and dare i say it, at times gets a kinda 'nice' sensation from it, even though i know i should be more careful and not do it on purpose either.

Help!

i think the more accidents you have the worse it will get, so the more you will try and make them happen. a few months ago when i was making chips i burnt myself and i couldnt stop looking at the burn, it really triggered me.
sorry if this doesnt make any sense and sorry it hasnt been of much use.
take care

Uhh, I understand the half and half feeling things as well. That's part of my problem personally. So you are definitely not alone in feel this way.
As you know, stopping the self harm is the better idea. And like you said, try to be more careful with yourself.
Beyond that, I unfortunately don't have any other words to help you stop feeling this way.