I wish the desire would go
 

I cannot get the need out of my head, I'd so like to bleed tonight. I've been talking with my other half and it has triggered me sooo much. I want to make myself soo ill with blood loss, I want to be near death. Christ save me from my head.

I have no therapist till september and although my GP has agreed to cover I still want her.

There are times when I want out, when I want to escape permanantly as the answer seems either impossible or too far away. once a week is too little and I don't understand why they cannot see that.

Maybe just getting things that I need will feel good and then I can imagine the blood loss. Just a pint of blood, my body is always anaemic so it can cope surely.

If you're anemic already, your body would be LESS able to cope with any further blood loss. Please try ways of coping other than cutting, I know it's hard, but any sort of distraction helps. If possible, remove yourself from places where you could cut- being in public spaces really limits your opportunity to cut, and sometimes just being with other people reduces the urges. I've found that going for a drive helps me, because I can't cut while I'm behind the wheel, and usually when I return the urge has passed or isn't as strong as it was before.

I'ma bit drunk so driving,although good, would be not be good now. I just want to feel death is the next point. I soo wish I had the asprin. This is the last time I do not have the means

I am sorry you feel so bad right now...

Knowing you are triggered can you keep yourself safe and please don't hurt yourself too badly...

If you can keep distracting yourself with games, cheerful music... something...

*squishes*

Claire...