All i'm living for - Soph *update post 18* i think....
 

Hey guys,

Sophie's nan died during the night last night and I just thought it might be nice for her to have a little support. I'm going to pop this in the ed forum too as she's there alot too. Thanks!


Soph, I'm sorry about your nan, just wnat you to know i'm thinking of you! you know where i am. *cuddles lots*

Sorry to hear that hun
*sends lots of cuddles*

I'm sorry to hear that sweetheart. My Grandfather died fairly recently so I know sort of what your going through. Things will get easier and we are all here if you want to talk *hugs* xxx

*Hugs you* Im very sorry for your loss. We here for you if you need us. Im thinking of you.

*Cuddles you*

Ian xxxxx

Sorry to hear that Soph *I'm thinking of you sweetheart*

I'm saying a prayer for you and your Nan.
cuddles and tissues to you

Soph is also afraid that she's going to try and push us away at some point and really doesn't want us to let her.

Soph, honey, I will never let you push me away!

thanks guys.

Nan's been sick for about 30years. she's had diabeties for a long time and about 27years ago she went into hospital to have a leaking valve in her heart replaced. unfortunately she had a massive heart attack and had a triple bipass (sp?), which at the time was not a common surgery to have. when she had the surgery though she didnt get the valve fixed. she hasnt been able to get it fixed since then because just a general anesthetic would kill her. instead she's been on a whole lot of different pills. she wasnt supposed to live for even 10years after the surgery.

just over a year ago we thought nan would die because she kept fainting and the doctors didnt know what was wrong with her. in the end they found that she had extremely low potassium levels and they fixed that.

early friday morning (at about 2.30am) my grandfather drove my nan to the hospital. she didnt want to go in an ambulance. again the doctors didnt know what was wrong with her.

she refused to see or talk to anyone except my grandfather. she wouldnt even see her own kids (she's my mom's stepmother). she wouldnt eat so she lost a lot of weight. my grandfather stayed with her until last night when he went home to get something to eat and get some sleep. he'd barely slept since sh'ed gone into hospital. a doctor was going to see her this morning.

some time early this morning she died. my grandfather was so tired that he didnt hear his stepson knocking on the door to tell him that his wife had died.

we've always said th at if my nan died, my grandfather wouldnt be that far behind her. he's not that healthy himself. my mom's a mess. she doesnt know what to do and she's going a million miles an hour.

i dont knwo what to do. i didnt even know her very well. i only saw her a few times a year.

the last time i saw her was christmas last year.

it ALWAYS hurts to lose family. Whether or not you were close or not. Sometimes you think you should hurt yourself becasue you don't feel bad enough or something that is equally misguided. It does hurt. I would advise that you go and speak to your school counsellor. Talk it over with them and stuff. She was the only nan you knew. It makes her special to you. it is hard to lose someone like that. *cuddles* and it's hard when your mum is struggling with it and you feel like you should be there for her. but you need to be there for you first.

Sweetie, it's a process and everyone goes through it at different speeds and sometimes even in different orders. I really wish I was more helpful here but I'll offer *hugs*

I am so sorry about your loss Soph
*cuddles*

i'm sorry to hear that soph. hope you're doing ok.

the funeral
 

the funeral is this friday afternoon. i dont know if i should, or could, go or not. just the thought of going anywhere near the church makes me feel physically ill. just the thought of the funeral does the same. even if i did decide to go, i dont know if i could walk into the church. i feel like i would get to ballarat and just go "no, i cant go any further, i cant do this, i want to go home"

i know i should go, for my grandfather. but i dont feel close to anyone in the family. i feel closer to people here that i've only spoken to once or twice.

but if i dont go then mom wants me to go to school. i still havent taken a day off yet over this. mom wants me to just keep going to school, keep up a normal routine. but i dont know if i could go to school on the day of the funeral if i didnt decide to go.

i just dont know what to do..

You have got to do whats right for you Soph, maybe write up a list of pros and cons for going and the same for staying. Might help make it a lil clearer in your mind somehow. Remember we are here for you Soph. Take care
Kat xxx

I'm so sorry for you loss. Thinking of you, Soph. *snuggles* Take care of yourself, hun.

Funerals are a great way to say goodbye. you can cry and be sad and say farewell to a loved one. That's really what they're for. For family and friends to say goodbye. You're upset that yo udidn't get to say goodbye so maybe the funeral would be the place to go. You and your mum could support each other.

*snuggles soph close*
in am UNPUSHABLE!!!!
loves.
xxxxx

Soph just wanted to thank everyone for their support. It really means a lot to her. She's got the rest of the week off school and is going to be home trying to relax and come to terms with it.

I am glad she has got the rest of the week off school, thinking of you soph

i didnt go to the funeral. had to stay home and look after the dog. apparently it was good (as far as funerals go) though.

its my first day back at school. its been 5 days since i was last here. i'm only just starting to get my head around everything. its so hard though because i'm always so tired. i get about 10hours sleep a night and wake up absolutely exhausted. its not because i'm not eating properly because i am. i'm just so tired. all i want to do is sleep..