past hurt staying with me
 

Hi all,

This may sound stupid but I have trouble forgetting what one particular ex said to me when she dumped me. She told me I am a mentally unstable bastard, that I am nothing and I deserve nothing. 3 days after she dumped me to be with someone better she decided to text me asking are you dead yet because she knew I would be suicidal.

Another one told me she was going on a holiday so she could have another guy move in with her. By the time I found out she was already pregnant with his child, less than 2 months since I had last seen her.

I'm not much of a man. I'm 25, only 5'8" 165lb. Have no muscle at all and a bit of a gut. I'm weak. I'm built like a child. I have avoidant personality disorder along with many other mental problems and can't cope with any form of rejection. My upper arms are covered in scars so I always have to wear a tshirt with sleeves. I can't go swimming in any public place. I'm paranoid of people finding out.

I have a wife of 4 years and still can't seem to get this hurt from the past out of my head. We are having problems in our marriage at the moment and it seems like all the things I was told were true. Nobody would ever want me

:-(

I wouldn't say it was stupid, I would say its a natural response to such a hurtful comment.

Who you are as a person doesn't have to be measured physically.

It doesn't sound stupid at all
Things like that stick with you, which is the worst part of it all.
do ya know what though, you're so much better then either of those two. seriously.
You aren't nothing, and i can't actually believe someone could be so horrible, asking if you're dead yet is disgusting.

Are you receiving any kind of help at the moment?

problems occur in every relationship, you've just got to try and be strong and work through them. It's not true about no'one ever wanting you. You wouldn't of got married if that was true.

take care
x

It's not stupid at all, some people can just say hurtful things & they stay with you. & anyways, my boyfriend is 18 & only 5 foot 8 & he's only grown to that in the past few months (& I don't think he'll grow much taller), it doesn't make you less than a man at all. & you can't say you're weak when you've made it through the hurtful things those girls have said to you & coping with your mental problems, that makes you strong. If you would have give up, you wouldn't be asking for help from us.
You have a wife of 4 years, she obviously loves you & wouldn't change you for the world, otherwise she wouldn't be your wife & no way would she say or even think of saying those hurtful things to you. I know what it's not to be able to get something hurtful out of your head. I was bullied when I was younger, told I was ugly & fat. Me & my guy have been together for 3 years now & from day 1 he has told me I am beautiful, but I don't believe him. He's been hurt too & it still affects him quite badly. Things just take time.
All relationships have problems, & when people are trying to recover or cope with something in their lives, more problems might arise, it's only natural. I'm sure you & your wife will get through these problems & if she doesn't know about what was said to you, maybe you should tell her? She may understand a bit more. I hope i've helped & if you need to talk, you can always PM me xx

Thanks for all your help. You are all very understanding. Lanny, I would like to PM you but I couldn't find the link to send you one...oh and the donkey avatar is so cool.

blueman, if you click on Lanny's name, the link to pm is the second drop down there.

hey blueman I'm sorry your past girlfriends were so venomous. It's terrible when you're made fun of because of pain you're in, especially making fun of suicidality. They sound very shallow and weak.

Plenty of people would like you, like I'm sure your wife does if you've been married for 4 years. Every relationship has stumbles.
Hope you're feeling better, stay safe.

your ex girlfriend was cruel to say those things, but if you have been married four years, it would seem you you were stil quite young when splitting up with your ex, and people say crue things when theyre not emotionally mature enough to deal with things sensitively.
try and focus on the reasons why your wife loves you, rather than why someone in the past didnt.

xx

still feeling inferior
 

Hi all,

Thank you all for your kind support.

For some reason I feel so inferior. I wrote to my ex in that say what you can't say to the people you want to thread. I still feel like I am not attractive or appealing. I have always believed this. Certain people have helped reinforce those beliefs along the way. I was always a reject. Was never even kissed by a girl until I was 20. Now how pathetic does that make me.

Why should I be able to blame illness for me being so pathetic

:-(

blueman

you are not pathetic hun. just having problems with your confidence.
My ex boyfriend used to tell me I was a failure, a freak and that I only did things to impress other people and that my tattoos and piercings made me ugly.
It got to a point I almost let him win. The wierd thing was, I was failing college because he did not like me going. would rather I stayed at home with him. He was making me fail. Though once I realised my own worth and that I actually was something without him, I started to feel alot better, even though when I am struggling at times I think back to what he said and started to believe it is true.
People say those things because it makes themselves feel better, she was just trying to get one up on you. Do not believe those hurtful things she said. Thats all her intention was, to hurt you and to give her a little power trip. Your wife loves you, if you having afew problems now concentrate on the marrage, take her out for a romantic meal or something and make her feel loved. it will boost your confidence.