I want to be Gone
 

Last night I unscrewed a blade from my kids pencil sharpener, and I wanted to cut my leg again and again. <last time I cut, I opened a vein>

I wanted to be GONE. Just let my blood run and run. The only thing that stopped me was the thought, who would find me in the morning.

My Hubby found the base of the sharpener and demanded me to hand over the blade. He found the Blade, and has taken it away.

I hate Myself, I am so selfish. I want the fight that goes on inside to stop. How low have I got?!!!?

I know I am lucky to have a wonderful Hubby and fanastic children. Why isnt it enough?????

Jade xxx

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling, has anything happened to trigger this? Sometimes even though we know we are lucky to have certain things it isn't enough to help our mood. Please let someone who can support you properly. Take care.

I know what has been triggering me. It was my Son's Connor's birthday. He would of been 12 this year but died aged 15 weeks from cot death.

Also I am fighting flashbacks from my past where my Mum physically and mentally abused me.

Now I am a mother it makes it worse, because I love my children unconditionally. I would never hurt them so why did My Mum hurt me in so many ways.

Thank you for your replies, I really could do with support.

Love Jade xxx

Thank you for the advice, Thanks for everything. xxx

Jade xxx

i just wanted to let you know i too feel the same i have fantastic children and i love them dearly why isn't it enough, i wish i could give you some advice to make you feel better but all i can offer is a 'your not alone with these feelings' and a *hug* if you want it xx

Your mum not loving you was not about anything that you did. It was about her problems.

I understand. I started separating from my parents a couple of years ago, and am mourning that I never really had parents.

I don't have anything wonderful to say... just wanted to say i've read it, i'm listening and i'm here if you need to talk. *cuddles lots*

Thank you for not making me feel the only one out there. Thank you for your support.

My Hubby phoned my old CPN Nurse for advice. I didnt know until she phoned up here asking for Stewy. He was at the dentist and she asked if he could phone back.

He has phoned back but she is in a meeting. I doubt she could help me, the way I feel at the moment. Its worth a try.

Jade xxx

It is always worth a try. You are worth it.

As susan said it's always worth a try!

Honey you are WORTH helping. And i'm glad your hubby is trying! *cuddles* stay with us sweets. We love you!

*cuddles some more*

i'll talk to you later tuday ok hun?????
i have to go tobed...is near 7.30AM...think am tired
love ya loads
romp

hugs tight... sending you love and stuff... please stay safe sweetie x