Struggling
 

I'm not sure why I'm posting because I know there's not much to say but I guess I could really do with some support at the moment.

One of my best friends passed away on Friday and I feel so numb and out of it. I can't get my head round the whole thing. I don't feel anything at all and yet I feel bad at the same time. I feel like it's all a dream.

I'm just over 6 months self-harm free but I'm struggling so so much not to do it now. Things have been going downhill recently anyway and now this. I need to cut, it's so hard not to, but I don't want to ruin how far I've come. I want to be able to go to the funeral next week and where my 6 month free bracelet for my friend. I want to do it for her. But it's so so hard.

Everything feels too much. I don't know what to do. People say to let my feelings out but either I can't do it or I get scared to because I'm scared I'll get out of control and hurt myself. My head feels so full.

*huge cuddles*

I'm so sorry this has happened, have you got people around who can keep you safe and you could try and talk to?
I wish I had the words to make you feel better hunny, but it's ok to grieve hun.

Take care of yourself sweety, I'm sending you love and cuddles during this hard time.

This wasn't a pointless post hun, you deserve support right now
Xxxxxx

Hey I'm so so sorry to hear about your friend
Just wanted to say that 6months SI free is an amzing achievement
and I'm sure that your a strong person who can get through this hard time without SI'ing, and even if you do, it's okay to slip up occasionally

I'm sending you big hugs *hugs*
You can PM me anytime
xxxxxxxxx

Hey

I am so sorry for your loss, cant imagine how hard it must be for you at the moment with everything else going on.

6 months free is an amazing achievment, you should be proud of yourself.What about treating yourself to something nice?Urges are hard to beat but you do not need to hurt yourself.

Will you be able to go to the funeral? It will hopefully give you closure and help you start to work on the grief of losing her.

i am here if you need to talk, i really mean it.Just poke me in chat

*hugs tightly*

you are a strong person, you can get through this

Jane x

Thanks for the replies.

I'm definitely going to the funeral. I've written a speech and I'm going to try to read it. I don't know if I'll be able to manage it but I want to give it a go and if not then I've been told the vicar will finish it for me. I'm going to go round to my friend's house tomorrow to be in her room one last time and to talk to her mum. I don't know if I'm going to be able to cope. I want to do it but I'm not sure if I can.

I have no energy to look after myself. I know it's disgusting and I'm ashamed to say I haven't had a shower since Thursday/Friday. It makes me feel yuck but I can't bring myself to have one. Pathetic. My sister's even bought me a really nice bath bomb from Lush. She said it was supposed to be calming and soothing to try and make me feel better.

My brother just came in and asked me why Stephanie had to die. I wish I knew. I wish she didn't. I wish she was back.

Hi laura.

i dont really know what to say. i am so sorry for the horrendoes shock. What you are feeling is normal alas it does not make anything any easier. i am here if you want to talk, and am thinking of you always. Soon you will star to feel things again, just give yourself time.

On the self harm front, you have been doing so so well and do you think that you would feel better after doing it to yourself again? Do you think tht it will help you this time? i really do hope you take care of yourself. And i cant wait to see you on friday.

Love you, jen:-D

I don't know whether it will help. I know I'd feel guilty for doing it but I do think it would help at the time. I want to try not to but it's getting so hard. I'm tired and worn out and I want to give up.