Not knowing whats real
 

Sometimes i worry that what im seeing isnt really whats there. Is it really my mum standing there, or am i imagining she is there? Sometimes i just want to get a knife out and stab her, because i dont think its her, instead i think its a hallucination. And other times i wander if im not seeing someone who is really there. Right now, i believe my psychology teacher is sitting in the study with me, watching me. I cant see her, but she is here.

It sounds like you are suffering from serious paranoia rather than hallucinations, though this is equally hard to deal with, and I really sympathise with your situation. Are you recieving professional support? Could you maybe talk about these issues to a doctor or other professional? I know it would be extremely difficult but they might be able to really help you get your thoughts and fears back on an even keel.

In the meantime, something I've found helpful is to either
a) Rationalise the fears/paranoia. For example writing down all the reasons it would be impossible for my fear/feeling to be occurring e.g Nobody could impersonate my mother because I know her to well or My psychology teacher will be at home with her family/eating her dinner/whatever and anyway she has no interest in watching me study. Or slightly simpler, just repeating to yourself 'these are irrational fears, they are not real and they cannot hurt me' over and over until you feel calmer, this will gradually seep into your subconcious and hopefully calm the anxiety.

b) Another method many people find useful is Grounding. Here is an article I wrote a while back explaining the basics of Grounding. This is a technique usually used to avert flashbacks, but it can also work with situations like yours:

First off, you need to try and take slow, deep breaths. Concentrate on the air going in and out of your lungs. If you can try and imagine the air going out as a negative colour for you, taking away all the negative thoughts and feels you have, and the air going in as a nice bright happy positive colour. Once you have managed to focus on your breathing, turn your attention to something in the room. It doesn't matter what, it can be anything, a windowsill, a table, a hairbrush, whatever.

Try and work your way through what your senses are telling you about this object: what does it look like? does it have any unusual features? what colour is it? remember: don't let feelings about the object come into this, such as: i hate that **** table, or i should have washed that mug out god im useless-you are just noticing.

Now go onto the next sense, maybe hearing. If you tap the object, does it make a sound? If so what kind? Is it loud? Does it sound hollow? Then onto touch (this is the important one for grounding yourself). What does the object feel like to touch? Run your hands over the edges and surface of th eobject taking in whether it is rough or smooth, are there any dents in it, and so on. Then, if you don't feel too silly, see if it smells of anything. Even wood has it's own smell, and it can really help to ground you in reality, away from the flashback.

Hope this helps,
Katy.

Buttons, thank you so much for your reply. It really did help. I have always needed to know how to ground myself when i get myself in these states and that was so so helpful, so thank you so much.
To answer your questions, i am seeing the Early Intervention Team (for psychosis) and i will see my nurse tomorrow morning, and am seeing my psychiatrist on tuesday. Just recently my anti-psychotics have been decreased (I was on 20mg of olanzapine, im now on 15mg) and im not sure if that could be why im experiencing this. I have been feeling pretty down and depressed since i began the reduced dose. And tonight i have seen yellow boxes of lights when i move my eyes. I dont think its because im tired because i had a long rest this afternoon.
I will definitely keep this post to look at when i am in need of grounding myself, because i do tend to disassociate quite a lot.