cravings
 

the other day, i was all set to let my friend in, to let her try and help me, because she was the only person i could even consider telling about my SI. and i did. i actually told her, and i felt so pathetic and stupid afterwards, but it did feel a tiny bit better because i wasn't carrying this burden all alone. but then she told her friend yesterday that she doesn't want to listen to anyone at the moment because she has her own problems to deal with. i feel so selfish and stupid. i tried to help her the day i told her as well, and i thought it would be a two-way thing. i guess i was wrong. it's all just made me lose trust in everyone and my cravings to SI are just getting so much worse right now :crying: i really want to talk to her but i can't. and my throat hurts so much from purging this morning. it's just like this is my only release, because i'm not allowed to do anything else/talk to anyone else. i just can't deal with this. i need to cut so bad!

aww hun im sorry, dont let this stop you ever telling anyone again!!

maybe you could email her/write a letter to explain that you are there for her aswell if she ever needs you.

you were not selfish by telling her, you wanted to reach out to a friend and get some help.

cuddles xxx

i'm sorry your friend didnt react the way you hoped she would hun. i know it can be really hard to let someone in. if you feel triggered you can talk on here or on chat or call samaritans for a chat. (the number is in the useful information section at the top of serious discussion forum)
in the meantime try to resist the urges.
go in the fun and distractions forum, take a walk, listenn to music, write, draw. anythingt o keep your mind off SI.
you can also try something like flciking an elastic band against your wrist as this gives you a stinging sensation without doing any actual harm.
take care of yourself hun
*hugs*

i've already texted her saying i was sorry i wasn't much help and hope she is happier, but she didn't reply. i just feel like i've lost one of my best friends. i keep trying to tell myself she's not doing this because she finds the thought of SI too much or she thinks i'm just stupid or something, but it's all just going through my head. what if she hates me, i'll have noone to talk to, ever :'(

i've got one of those hairband things with the metal bit on which is helping. it's just so hard that i know where my blade is and i know i can get it any time. ohh, what if she does hate me... i really wouldn't blame her. ugh, i'm so selfish it's unbelievable.
sorry guys, i'll stop now. i just needed distractions.
thankyou

Do you think you could put it somewhere out of reach? I'm really proud of you for telling her and I'm sure she doesn't hate you. Maybe you could suggest ways for her to get help as well because you're likely to be a better support to each other if you're getting individual help. Keep talking to us and let us know how it all goes, sweetie, well done for posting this.

xx