petrified
 

hey im a newbie here
and i think my SI is getting out of control,
ive cut myself twice since saturday and although thats not so bad, im trying to stop. i have to go on a hot place summer holiday in a week and cant cover up the cuts, they are on my arm and hips, you cant cover them with make up or anything because they are recent.
i feel so bad because i feel like i have let people down, my boyfriend especially.
he is the best person in the world and says he wants to help but i dont know how he can.
my thoughts are getting out of control and the vicious circle is starting again, its been the first time in ages ive wanted to black out but i have no reason to want to because theoreticaly everythings going well at the moment. apart fromt he whole AS results in the summer and the scared of the future thing.
i dont know what to do
ive already done it once today and i dont want to again but i dont know how to stop myself.
im so scared i dont know what to do next. i dont even know if i want to stop anymore, ive been trying for 2 months and i cant do it anymore, i panick i get stressed and its the only way i know to release it. i feel ridiculously insecure and like a complete idiot

sorry for the rant, probably the wrong forum for this.
x

=[ hey...you haven't let him down and you cant let yourself get to down on feeling like you want to..It's a rough battle..and it's going to be hard...you just have to keep reminding yourself your strong and...try to destract yourself w/ other things....Your not a complete idiot...remember that... and everyone needs to rant ;)

Hiya love and welcome to RYL! I'm really glad you posted and hope you get the support you need here. I hear that you are worrying your thoughts and harming is getting out of control - it's good that you posted this so you can get help. Do you have any other means of support/help offline? Our loved ones can often blame themselves or try and take "responsibility" for how we feel because they care. Maybe giving him some information will help? The link is in my signature below this post :)

PM me anytime, xx