Arrrgh! Grr. Grr. Grr.
 

Why do I want to cut myself? I don't want to, but I do. I miss it. I still have a scab from when I last did it. But thats not enough. And because I do them more slyly now (one at a time and I claim its an accident) I find people noticing. That gives me a thrill because they dont know. To them I am normal. Someone stop me feeling like this, PLEASE, my life should be so good right now. Everything's FINALLY looking up.

I don't know what to say to you because I'm pretty much in the same place right now, and have no ideas what to do with myself. When things are good, it's amazing but it hurts to know that you still feel it necesary to hurt yourself. But it feels like you can't change the fact that you want to cut yourslef. You are normal, at least normal for you. But what is normal for you is not normal for everyone, To those you consider abnormal, they most liekly condsider themselves to be VERY normal. As long as you yourself are happy, then that is all that matters!!
Only you can stop you from feeling like this! you can change anything you want to ! you could change the world if it pleased you. Never stop trying okay?
If you ever need to talk, I"m here.

It sounds like you're feeling pretty conflicted about this. It also sounds like part of you revels in the secret pain you inflict on yourself. Your mood says you're Pre-Menstrual at the moment - that maybe influencing your urges to cut. It'll pass.

*h*u*g*s* xxx

:) Thanks guys.

to Stellata: Its not just at the moment though. It been going on for a month or so.

Last night after posting this I sat down and had a really thorough think about whatever it is that makes me want to do it and I realised that its always worse in the mornings and I feel so depressed in the mornings (even if I've had a good night's sleep) but I tell myself to wait until later. Then during the day my mood cheers right up and I feel fine, however at night time, although I still feel fine, I want to SI. Do you think this is because I subconciously told myself to SI at night?
And do you think changing my diet might lift my morning moods?

I find that eating more fruit and veg makes me a lot happier during the day and therefore less depressed at night, I know its the old cliche, but fruit veg and exercise has really helped me (:
xx

That's always been my biggest question, why do I want to cut? It's been a little over a year since I have, and I still want to. I try not to focus so much on why I want to cut as why I DON'T want to cut. I hope one day I'll figure out what makes me want to cut, but for now I'm trying to not worry about it. Focus on the things that make you want to not cut. And try to feel better. Life without SI is better than life with it. *hugs*