i tried
 

i tried, i really did, i phoned my cpn to try and tell her how bad things are but she wasnt really listening to me, she said all this stuff about keeping busy and that and i was trying to tell her how suicidal i was and that ive got all these tablets and i need to take them but im scared, i dont know what else to do. im trying so hard.

:crying:

Keep talking here.
And/or call the Samaritans.

What would you have wanted her to do, to show that she was really listening?

i dont know, maybe just actually let me tell her, she kept interupting me and not letting me explain fully, i just wanted her to listen...

Try telling us here...

my thoughts are out of control, i cant stop thinking about taking pills, or cutting, and i need to do it, i know this probably sounds silly, but i made a deal with the thoughts, when they started getting really strong i promised them that if they were quieter for a while, if they gave me peace, id do it when a certain day came, i promised, and they agreed and let me alone for a while, and now its the time, its the day and i dont know what to do.

It sounds like you're doing dangerous deals with the self-destructive part of your mind. You don't have to continue with this deadly game.
You can make a different choice.
You, healthy you, can take control.
You don't need to take the tablets.
You don't have to feed that suicidal energy. The darkness is insatiable, and it's best to understand it, and redirect your attention to kinder, more self caring things. To build on your concern for yourself. I can tell that you still care about yourself by how you reached out to your CPN, by your posting here. You owe it to yourself to do your best to keep safe. The dark thoughts are still there, yes, but you don't have to respond to them.

im really trying not to, but theyre so strong

You, me, your CPN, everyone else here who cares, together we're all stronger than those voices.

*Lots of cuddles* Im really sorry that your feeling like this. Please get rid off the pills, oding is extremly dangerous and its really not worth it. Please dont od its not the answer. Do you know what it is thats made you feel like this? Do you want to talk to us about what it is thats made you feel this way? We are all here if you want to talk to us. Im really proud of you for ringing your cpn and talking to her about how your feeling. Im really sorry she wasnt really listening to you. Please stay strong, i know its hard but you can get through this. Do you think you could get rid of the pills? You dont need the pills. Please keep posting.

Take care best wishes Ian

Im sorry you feel so bad hun, keep fighting your really strong and can come through this, keep talking to us, your amazing :) love xxx