Triggering... but help me please... please...
 

Omg... I don't know why, but today I'm just feeling awful low...
I don't know what to do...
I feel fat...
My mom poked me in the gut today and said I was "soft". I almost cried. She said a pair of pants I like was too tight... i thought they were kind of loose becaus generally I wear loose clothes to hide the fact I'm a fat ass pig. Again, that nearly made me cry. And I have cried a couple of times today about my weight.
I'm 132 pounds at 5'6".
I know. I'm big... :crying:

And on top of it all I have to deal with all my freakin' social anxiety on top of all this, because tomorrow I'm going out of town to camp. I've been going for a few years, and this year I honestly wanted to be skinnier.
I hate this. Part of me wants to start fasting again, but most of me knows it's bad. And I probably WILL start purging again, because I do that a lot after I eat in public. Because of my low self-esteem and anxiety it is hard for me to eat in public, so if I do, a lot of times I purge as self-justification of sorts. As if that makes it okay...
I don't know... I guess I just want to talk...
I hate myself... :crying: :crying: :crying:

sweet, mums can be cruel when it comes to weight but mostly they dont mean it.

if my calculations are correct 132pounds is about 9st 4lb's which for a height of 5'6 is seriously fine and normal- you are in the healthy range for BMI. you dont need to be any skinnier.

ive recently lost quite a bit of weight cos not been well and my mum said to me today ah no podgy belly at all, now you need to start eating properly without getting fat again!!! helpful!!! people dont think before they speak.

take care of yourself sweetie pie, are you recieving any help xxxx

p.s you might find the ED forum helpful, with people in similar situations :)

I know... but it still hurts. Especially, since I'm having such a hard time with it currently...

I know my BMI is "healthy" but I feel and look so big...

Indeed they don't.

Any help for my self-esteem issues? Not really...

And idk... I don't feel it's really bad enough to be an eating disorder...

Please don't ignore me...

Please someone... I really need to talk...

please... why does no one ever reply? I need to talk to someone... please!

Heya , you just need to try to ignore the unhelpful comments your mum has made, she probably doesnt realise hoe much it has hurt you. You really are at a healthy weight and although you may feel like you need to lose some weight, healthy is healthy. Try not to let it get to you. I cant say if its bad enough to be an eating disorder but if its enough to make you feel bad about yourself its enough to need sorting to make you happier.
pm me if you want..stay strong!!
xx

Thank you for replying! I know I'm supposedly at a "healthy weight", but I just feel so fat...

so many people do so you're not alone okay? i dont really know what to say as i havent been in youre position but just know that people care about you so they just want you to be happy and healthy.

im not sure where im going here
but you can get past any negative thoughts , yea?
xxx

Yeah, I'm texting with a friend right now, but you know, he isn't exactly saying all the right things. He's saying weight it ainly genetic. My entire family is overweight. And he's like if you feel so bad why don't you go jogginh or eat a salad every once in a while... like I don't...

I have trouble getting past negative thoughts...

It can be hard to know what to say to someone especially when you are offline friends but at least hes trying!! he clearly cares about you.
hun, your not overweight, i know i cant stop you thinking what you do and neither can anyone really. i know how hard it is to rise above negative thoughts - i've been there and i still struggle with it but it is possible, i promise! you can do it but it will take time and effort.

xxx

I suppose but it doesn't help...

Time is something I am in short supply of these days... I'm not very patient... but I will try.

It just feels so hopeless...

i need to go off to bed now as we are appoaching the early hours but remember that there is always hope, always! and you can get through this, trying is all we can do as humans really so definately do that!
you can pm me whenever, okay, and i will reply.
stay strong!! lots of love xxx

Thanks.

*h*u*g*s*
PM me if you want to talk!!
Thinking of you, take care of yourself! xx

thanks!

*hugs*