Yesterday
 

I went to the clinic & saw my pysch, she got me to see someone else who gave me some ani-depressants... I saw my dietcian & told her I was unable to diegest any food, on holiday I fell asleep after eating tea (without purging) & then woke up the next morning & was able to purge my tea. She told me that I have probably done permanent damage to my stomach :crying: & parts of it aren't working propperly anymore & that I need to see a doctor about it... she said that could have been what I purged a while back, it wasn't stomach lining, it was something to do with my stomach though :dunno: I can't remember that name.

The worst thing is, they all said I wasn't allowed away this weekend (to meet sammi) because I'm too freaking unsafe & suicidle :crying:

*holds close*

Baby Helen please stay strong you can get through this you are strong i know this please keep fighting!

Suicide is never the solution we all love you and care about you please stay safe and stay with some company as much as you can .

Purging has made you permanent damage,but that not the end of the world,you still can save yourself,please fight this baby you can beat this don't let it take more of you, helen you are beautiful without bulimia , you know i love you loads hun xxx

That is possibly the best quote i could have thought of to sum up what i was thinking.

Helen, you know Mia has put your body through hell and its caused serious damage. Now is time to grab your body back from her && change.
Now i know it's going to be extremely and undeniably hard for you to change the amount of times you purge etc, as you do it so much. But could you try and cut down at all? Even if its just a small amount week by week.
Asking for help from your GP to see an eating disorder specialist (if you don't already see somebody) could be a good move to take. You will need help to succeed in this. But make sure that you are doing this for yourself.
You deserve to be free of this sweetie. Don't let this illness but your body through anymore.
I know you want a life without Bulimia, a life where you are free to meet your friends [without feeling suicidal].
Fight this and you will get there. It will be an uphill struggle. But standing on the top of that mountain when you've climbed there, will feel amasingly brilliant.

Are you going to book an appointment with your GP to talk about the effects that Bulimia has had on your stomach? I hope you go and the damage isn't too serious.

We will be here for you every single step.
I love you. Please look after yourself
<3

*baby Helen*
*Holds you tightly in my arms*
I LOVE YOU OK

*holds you tight*

Please keep fighting Helen. xxxxxx

What does your OP treatment actually involve, you don't have to say, I was just wondering.
Hope you don't mind me asking.

When are you going to go and see a Doctor? xxxxx

I see a physcotherapist, family therapist, deitcian & now a physciartrist in OP.

I'm not sure when, my deitcian didn't say, she just said I should see a doctor about it, I thought it would be a doctor on the ward (they have an IP ward downstairs). I could ask her next time I see her, but thats in 2 weeks aswell.
Maybe I'm meant to go see my doctor about it?

*holds*

Thank you Trace.

They haven't mentioned anything like that, so I doubt they are going to consider that & I can't ask. I think you have to be *really* sick to have that, or they at least have to think you need it & right now they don't, I guess.

I don't know, I'm sick but not on deaths door kinda sick.

I would feel really awkward if I asked what would I say? what if they said no :um:

Helen I think you should ask to go in, trust me please.
I dont think they will say no hunnie..you are really sick and I just wish you could see that

The physciartrist I'm seeing is like the head of the unit so I could talk to him about it when I see him & have the review for the medication.
I'm scared though, what if they have no room, I'd look so stupid :crying:

you won't look stupid baby u need help please ask him to help you xxx

Helen what I'm thinking is, maybe just suggest it really casually, because this isn't the first time someone off RYL or anyone of your friends who knows about your bulimia, have suggested hospital treatment.
I think personally it would be really benificial, and you could realise
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL WITHOUT BULIMIA.

You are my best friend and I want the best for you, so does everyone else. You are the most amazing person I have met in my life, therefore you deserve to rid yourself of this horrible deasise.

"Someone needs to tell you to change"
Someone does, and I'm doing it and so is everyone else, I wish you could see how 'sick', you've buggered up your stomach for life, how ill do you think that is?

If you can never digest food again, do you know how worrying that is!

Maybe daypatient might help sweetheart, just please mention it, if you want I can help to poke you, maybe I could come with you on Tuesday and poke you so you say it.

You could mention it to Tracy, why don't you say that your friends are suggesting it, if it would help.

Please Helen, Please
I am so worried about you
Hannah
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please keep fighting this beautiful.
I would hate for something to happen to you, and you know it's only going to get worse and the damage will only get worse if you don't get help now.
<Love you 3

Thanks everyone :hug:
I might get hannah to come with me so she can say it if I can't.
I'm not sure yet... I'll think about it
I'm scared though, if they say yes, what would happen? how would I get there?, my dad couldn't drive me everyday he has work & hates driving for one day a week for family therapy.
Love you
:heart:

*hugs*

I think that asking about OP would be a very, very brave thing to do!! I really, really think that.
Oh and hun, you are 'really sick' and you deserve the help. You won't look stupid whatever the outcome may be.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

What makes it nessecary for someone to go DP?
What makes you 'qualify' for it?...