I don't really know where to post this.. *suicide and si trigger too*
 

I just feel so helpless. I think I might have an ED, but I don't want to even think about that. I have depression and I feel really suicidal right now. I've run out of meds (well, I have one left for emergencies), so I can't sleep, and I'm so so tired.

I know tiredness makes things worse, but I have been feeling like this for a long time. I think something's not quite right.

I haven't eaten for a long time either. God, what is wrong with me? I'm so scared about what's going to happen next year, when I go to Uni aswell. That means I only have a year with my psychiatrist. And what can I do then? I can't get transferred or anything.. Oh god.

I don't really want to be here at the moment. I had to eat today. This has got a lot worse. My eating 'patterns' have reared up again. Fuck. I was so good.. Now why?

These last couple of months have been absolute hell, and I don't think I can handle much more. Im strong aren't I? If I've come this far and I'm still alive..

yes, you are strong for making it this far. that's really good that you're still around, especially since it's been so hard.

that being said, you gotta try to hang in there and make it through this battle as well. i know it's hard dear but you have to keep going. you have so much to live for, even though you might not think so at the moment. your depression is clouding your vision and making it harder.

you're a very strong girl. keep trying. i know it's hard, but in the end it's worth it.

why are you suicidal? is it because of your ED or other triggers?

hang in there.

xx

The food thing mainly. And i'm just fed up with everything. I hate not being at college, i have so much support there from my tutors (who all pretty much know what's going on) and the college nurse.

What do I do in the summer?


Fuuuuckk

*cuddles* I think you are very strong and brave for coping this long and for making this thread. Do you think having a chat to your Dr may help you get more support right now? If your mind is too busy to sleep, try writing/ranting your thoughts onto paper before attempting sleep. Take care love

xx

Mmmm.. i've been writing my journal thing on here.. but I think I'll wait until I wake up. I'll see if i still feel this strongly tomorrow.


*sigh*
I know how to look after myself, and I know I know that. Arghhhh

I don't really know what I'm trying to say, I'm hungry and tired and confused..

try and have something lite to eat like some juice and a dry cracker.
that can help you get started on food again so you wont be so hungry.
try and sleep again :)
*hugs you a lot*
i dont have too much advice but sleep gets the mind sorted basically...
and make you more rational.
so maybe do that and see how you feel when you wake up.
im sorry to hear you are in such a state
*hugs again*

yeah i know what you mean about missing college and stuff. is there any way to contact your tutors (via myspace, facebook, email, phone)?

do you have a job or something you can do to distract yourself during the day? and writing is a really good coping skill.

one thing i do is rip stuff up. one of my friends goes out and gets a watermelon when she's really upset and writes out all of the stuff that's bothering her on it and just smashes the hell out of it with a hammer or whatnot.

stay strong, keep us updated. *hugs*

xx

Mmm I'm okay. I still feel like shit, and I haven't eaten in a long while, apart from when i've had to and I've 'got rid of it' hahaa..

I'll be okay. Thank you so much you guys :) it means a lot that you even read this, let alone took the time to reply xx

glad you're okay. keep staying strong!