No good reason...
 

I'm pretty sure I just cut for no good reason. I mean, I know I cut(these are the jokes folks ;)) but I'm not sure I had a good reason. I was ready to say that everythings alright so I had no reason to cut...truth is I'm exhausted and a little 'off'... I'm fretting (now how often do you get to use THAT word?) about counseling...I know it's a good idea but we are already hitting stuff I'm not comfortabl with and it's pretty standard 'why-in-the-world-would-you-be-uncomfortable-with-that' stuff :s. For instance, we were talking about who knows what when he decided to tell me one of the things he was going to put in his notes was that I am ok looking at all this from an analytical, psychological (I'm a psych major ironically enough) point of view but I seem to be uncomfortable with the 'feelings' side of it. And as silly as I thought it was then, I'm pretty sure he's right! Good lord, what kind of an idiot am I? To make matters worse he gave me a sheet to fill out the next time I cut (pretty sure you can use it for a lot of things)...it's a thought record, which seems to me to get right back to those feelings that I don't like to talk about! And what am I supposed to write on it? "I am not sure why I cut, I'm pretty sure I didn't have a good reason"? And I am not sure what I was thinking anyway...
ugh, no one told me this (counseling) was going to be more trouble than it's worth. I feel like a world class idiot.

Thanks for 'listening' to me spill.

that's so funny because i'm a psychology major
are you stealing my identity? lol
this is scary though becayse that is exactly what I said at my counseling appointment - that i dont know why i do it and i dont think i have a reason. i cant think of one thing in my life that warrants my SI. my life is like completely normal. well except for that.
i feel like i am just addicted to it out of habit or boredom? but i rationally and especially with my psych background know that is completely untrue
part of me wonders if happiness scares me so i do it just to prove to myself that i am not actually happy or something
and that whole not talking about feelings thing i totally relate to
i blabbed for about 40 minutes to the counselor about my parents and my history and whatever but as soon as she asked "how do you feel about yourself? what dont you like?" i freaked out and lied and said "nothing! i wouldnt change a thing! I'M SUPER!!"

so i guess we can be psych majors who are crazy for no good reason together?

Lol how did you know? Actually I'm stalking you from the other side of the country ;)
Well, I've got some good reasons to cut in general (though I am tempted to do what I have told others not to and compare my situation to theirs and use THAT as a reason I shouldn't cut...my life wasn't as bad as THAT persons life...) but this morning I didn't really feel like I had a reason to cut... As I think about it maybe just stressing out about counseling was my reason but I'm not sure that's a good one and I certainly don't want to tell the counselor that...
I hate to say it but it's kind of nice to have someone else on the same page as I am when it comes to 'feelings' (good lord right now I don't even like that word,lol).
Thanks.