feeling out of control
 

Hi, I'm new here and I know I should post to the intro thread first, but....I just need to put down how I'm feeling, and see it in black and white before I can concentrate on anything else. I hope that's ok.

I managed to give up SI for a month a few months ago, but now I'm doing it again and it's worse than ever. I'm having panic attacks again despite my meds, and my concentration is totally wrecked.

Oh god, I feel awful. It just came over me in a wave - one minute I was hanging out with my friend watching a movie, the next I'd locked myself in the bathroom and started cutting. She's left now - I really wanted the company, but couldn't bring myself to say it - and I'm just sitting here shaking and crying.

I'm so sick of this. I feel like such a worthless piece of crap. I'm not a good friend, I'm not a good girlfriend, I can't even look after myself.

I have to go and see my doctor tomorrow morning, and I feel like I've let him down - he;s really trying to help, but I keep doing it.

I think my head is going to explode.

I can't stop, but I want to so, so badly.

I know how hard it can be and it's definitely does help to talk about it, so you did the right thing by coming on here to vent. But next time, maybe you should come on here for feedback BEFORE you cut again. I've cut before, and I know how hard it is to stop, but don't feel so discouraged after on relaspe. Cutting isn't good, but with any addictive behavior relaspes are likely to occur. It's how you handle them that's the important part. Do you give up and decide it's all over because you did it again when you said you wouldn't, or do you let it go and try again?
Also, I believe it's a good thing to talk to your doctor about when you see him.
And I know you can do this. I beieve in you. Message me anytime. I'm here fo you! =D

thanks, hon. I just feel so weak, like I have no willpower whatsoever.

you do have willpower, otherwise you wouldn't be on here, trying to explain, trying to help things improve.

it sucks when you have been doing well and then suddenly it all overwhelmes you again, but try to remember that slip ups are normal, nearly all of us have them and it doesn't mean you can't recover! you're doing really well trying to stop your SI. perhaps you need to think about changing your meds or upping the dosage if they're not helping enough? could you ask your dr about it soon?
xx

Cant offer any advice hun, but you do have will power, and you gave up for a month...thats never gonna change, it'll always be there!!
Also, it takes a lot of courage to post up here, trust me, so well done!!
*h*u*g*s* you're better and stronger than this hun, keep strong!!
Take care of yourself, and feel free to PM me if you want to chat! xx