Feelings
 

Hi
have not been on here for ages.

I have had enough of everything
I was signed of sick last year and decided to go back to work. i work full time at my local shop but recently have started feeling like i used to.
my arms are completly messed up from how i feel i cant eat :(

I text my doctor today who said he didnt know i was so desperate and he is sorry he can not help more.

i feel so crap
everything hurts
whats the point:(:(:(:(

Was there anything that may have stirred up this increased depression at this time?

Can you tell me some more about the situation with your doctor? Why can't he help? Did you take medication before?

I guess everything has got on top of me feel like im just crawling all the time

think my doctor is sick of me. i have been going to him for about a year he has put me on 3 types of medication but nothing worked with me. he tries to help me bt i guess sometimes it just aint worth it

It's always worth it.

How has he tried to help?

He sent me two different councillers to try and get me to talk. Gave me his mobile number if i ever need him outside of work hours. lets me email him about anything. Books my appointments for me so i dont have to ring up reception.

Just feels like i throw it all back in his face

It seems like you find it hard to take in the support you're given. This can happen when your self esteem is very low.

What happened with the counsellors?

I just lie to them
I cant help it its like i cant stop myself.
they say how are u i say im fine.
i completly lie to them
:(

Do you lie because you feel deep down so ashamed? What might happen do you think if you told your truth?

i dont know i just never have been able to say no im not ok. not outloud.

At high school i used to write dark poetry the teachers would have me in there office all the time and i got very good at lieing and guarding myself from people knowing. now i wish i could talk but its just so so so hard.

i dont know what would happen if i was honest. im scared