i simply CANNOT put my health first *also triggers large overdoses,strong bad feelings about self*
 

i cannot put my health first.

i realised i cannot/have not been doing this and simply feel i still cannot even if i am in great need of help with it really.

Why cant i?

i cannot put it first cos of how badly i feel about myself, how much i need to destroy myself.

i can not, i will not put it first.

i just feel so badly about myself.How possibly can i?

i know youll all think im stupid but has anyone else ever been here.Ever been at that place where you feel so so bad about yourself that cos of how you feel about yourself you simply cannot put your health first?Its horrible, terrible feeling the things i do about myself.i cant even describe it.But yet i feel its all something i deserve.

Its ok if no one can relate though.

Thanks.

I hardly ever put my health first, so I understand.

i never know how to explain this to people.They dont understand.

[Thats not a criticism, by the way]

Maybe i dont even want to explain it anymore.

They cannot help me anyway.

Its ok you explained fine.

Thank you.

i know what you mean and all the conflict that it can make inside you. hang in there, it can pass, even if that seems impossible.

I know how you feel hun and PM me if you ever wanna chat.
Please take care
xxx

i am sat here just crying.Too much is going on for me.

Too much.Too many things have happened.i dont see how i can get through all of this and deal with everything that has happened.i dont just mean one or two things.i mean a number of major things that have happened that i cannot come to terms with and do not feel i ever will.

What major things have happened?