How did you decide for definate what your sexuality is?
 

Hey everyone,

I know theres probably been posts like this before given the size of RYL's LGBT community so really sorry if im repeating something thats already been said.

But I wanted to pose a question to all those of you out there who identify as LGBT or who have perhaps questioned your sexuality in the past. So what I wanted to know was how was it that you decided upon your sexuality? What was it that made you definately sure that youre one or the other? or are you still not sure?

(hope this is an okay place to post this!)

Lisa :blush:

i tried batting for the same team. judging by my feelings of repulsion the next day once i had sobered up and thought of what i had been up to the night before, i gathered that i was not bisexual and i should stick to men!

I think that defining things is overrated. But if you really want to figure it out, I'd say just watch TV and write down who you find attractive (and their gender, obviously)... then count up how many guys and girls - if it's all guys you're straight, if it's all girls you're gay, and if it's about half and half, you're bi (and if you want to get really fancy, you can add things like "bi-curious" or "hetero-questioning" or stuff, wherever you think they should fall). But yeah, I guess the point is just that I don't see much point in trying to define it more than just a statistical statement of who you're most often attracted to...

BTW, you can feel "repulsed" by homosexual contact even if you're "really" bi or gay (defined by who you find attractive), because people often learn to be somewhat homophobic (not necessarily to the point of being prejudiced against others for the behavior, but more of like it's sort of viscerally repulsive to think of doing it yourself even if you're fine with it in principle), which can sort of compete with the desire to have homosexual contact even though the desire may still exist. Of course, you can also be repulsed by sexual contact with someone simply because you find them sexually unappealing, so I definitely don't mean it to sound like I'm questioning Raven's beliefs about her own sexually or anything, I just wanted to mention that for other people reading that or whatever to give a different perspective on that point...

I didn't/haven't/won't.
It's much more fun that way :]
Why label yourself eh, it just find of restricts your options subconciously.
I am nothing.
And happy being that way.

I still haven't really got around to defining my sexuality properly. I think I'm just... everyone-sexual? :3

lol i get what you mean, i just personally dont think its for me. i can look at women and find them attractive but i dont look at them and want to be intimate with them. it was an experiment and it just clarified it for me that i am straight.

some really good points, i like the tv one, sometimes im just not sure who im attracted to or not anymore!

I was going with the not defining myself either but having been in a lesbian relationship for quite some time when that ended i wanted to be open minded about my sexuality...but ive found myself running away (quite literally on several occasions! lol) from both men and women because i just dont know which team it that i bat for as it were! feel like i cant get involved with anyone til i know what i am? when im with a bloke i think i cant do this im gay...and then when im with a women im thinking i should be giving being straight a try...so thats why i wanted to try and define. I agree labels are definately over-rated guess im just so completely confused on this one!!

I agree with Tears and Rain, it's so much more fun when you don't restrict yourself! Personally, I like dudes but every once in a while I completely fall for a girl. Sexuality is much more open nowadays. It's just restricting your options when you label yourself.

Maybe the reason you keep running from them is because theya ren't right for you. That might not have anything to do with your sexuality.

It's really surprising to learn how many people would dump their significant others if they magically switched genders one day. Would you?

I just slowly woke up to the fact that I was Bi. I realised my reaction to certain males was the same was the same as it was to certain females. I didn't really notice or place a label on it
I can't remember exactly when I slapped the label on myself but in the end I realised i was bi.

Just give it a shot if you have an opportunity, and decide for yourself how you feel :-)

Don't knock it unless you've tried it!

*Goes away to hunt down fit boys/girls to snog*

I never had to question myself...

I knew I was gay from day one when it came to dating and so on... I actually don't think I've ever found a girl sexually attractive.

im a lesbian and i find men attractive.

i dont think finding someone attractive means you would want to have sexy time with them.

I don't think you should worry about it.

If you're not sure, then just get on with things. Experiment. Do what feels right.

No one really needs to worry about whether they're gay or straight or bisexual of asexual or etc. Just get on with it :)

I really really don't care what my sexuality is. It's such a broad spectrum, I don't even see the point of trying to confine yourself into one category. You can spend your whole life fancying the same sex and then one day someone will come along and sweep you off your feet and then what? Does that mean you weren't gay all along and suddenly you're bi? Or completely straight?
I think sexuality is fluid. So deciding what my sexuality is is a bit pointless, cos it may change. Or it may not. You never know.
I wouldn't worry too much about it if I were you :)

im still kind of unsure myself. u just kind of have to go with it u know. your sexuality doesnt define who you are.....its just another aspect of what makes u who u are. just roll with the flow and evenutally you'll figure it out. dont put pressure on yourself to label your sexuality. you'll figure it out when your supposed to

at the moment i class myself as gay because i have a boyfriend who i could quite happily spend the rest of my life with

but when i was single i classed myself as pansexual- i.e. can have a relationship with either gender as long as the emotions are there. its different to bisexual because what i see as bisexual is being sexually attracted to both genders. i am not sexually attracted to either gender; that just comes after the emotional side for me.

I dunno to be honest. I've known since I was a young child that I was straight and no offence girls but I could never be a lesbian or bisexsual. Most girls piss me off being friends with, let alone a partner.

thankyou all so much for your replies has given me a lot to think about some really good points. Pansexual...i hadnt heard this term before, will look into it.
thankyou ryl :-)

I dont even know.. i like whoever!