scared and alone
 

I've got that anxious feeling in my chest/stomach, like my heart's beating fast and everything inside me feels funny.

I'm trying to keep my breathing calm, I wish I could talk to Rusty but today's the day he's forgotten his phone. I don't want to cut, the last one's still healing. I need something though.

I don't like this.

I hate it when I can't get ahold of my husband.

*gives you a hug*

I think it's just being back here after seeing how much greener the grass really is.

I've been keeping busy, done washing and hung it out to make the most of the sunny/windy weather and made a father-to-be day card for Rusty for next weekend.

It's almost 5 o clock here so hopefully another few hours and Rusty'll be home... just gotta stay safe til then. It's just that I can feel the anxiety bubbling away under the surface and I'm working hard to try and stop it boiling over.

*huggles* Good on you for keeping yourself busy, I hate not being able to contact Trent. Hang in there *huggles* It is only a few hours :) You can do it :)

I can't even let the dog run aorund the house now - fukcing grumpy arse locked him in the garden (in the heat, with no water or anything) cos he was 'in the way'.

I hate it here, I can't wait til we get our own place, but til then it's so hard not to just go back to my parents's place. I'm so unhappy here, but I don't want to leave Rusty, I'd miss him so much, and I don't want him missing anything with the baby, or leave him in the lurch stuck with this **** on his own.

I can't stay here much longer though, I feel so unwelcome, it's horrible.

When you go out to hang laundry I hope you've made sure your beautiful puppy has water and scritches.

I used to love hanging laundry. Stretching out in the sun, doing something ordinary and domestic.

I went and let him back in lol, he's asleep on the sofa after having lots of cuddles (mutual benefit I think!). Hopefully by the time the next lot of washing is done the first lot will be dry - it's perfect weather for it

Good about the weather. Living here at the edge of a desert, on the hottest days the laundry would definately be dry by the time the next load was done.

How are things going now.
You should be proud of yourself for not giving in.
Well done.

Hope you're feeling better now *hugs*

I'm ok-ish. Haven't told Rusty what a rough day it was... although I did nearly cry in the supermarket cos he had to elave me to get a trolley and it took longer than I thought it would and I got a bit freaked, so gave him a cuddle and got a bit sniffly when he came back.

I stayed safe though, that's the main thing. If I wasn't pregnant things might have been different, but hopefully the baby forcing me to try other coping methods will help, and when he's born I'll have learnt a few things to help me cope once I'm not pregnant.

Still feeling wobbly, just want to pack my bags and go back home, but it's another day I've gotten through.

x

I'm glad you stayed safe and got through the day :) If it's really that bad there, is there any way both you and Rusty could stay at your parent's for now or is that just impractical?

I've suggested it, but Rusty sayd it wouldn;t be any better living with my family, because then he'd be uncomfortable, whihc I understand. But the difference would be that my family live in a [reasonably] clean house and wouldn't make us feel so unwelcome. We're just a pain in the arse here.

*hugs* It sounds like you're having a pretty rough time of it living there, does Rusty understand how being there is making you feel? Could you maybe get out of the house in the daytime so you're not spending so much time cooped up in your room?